Conflict between parents and teens is normal. This is when your teen will begin embracing developmental skills such as independent thinking, leadership and self-esteem. Keep in mind, however, that she needs your guidance just as much as ever.
Conflict Arrising
Positive Parenting of Teens, a curriculum developed by the University of Minnesota, indicates that conflict in families occur when one member feels that his values, beliefs, way of life and territory are threatened. Other causes of conflict include when someone is told how he needs to do something and when communication breaks down.
Independence
Teens experience a natural desire to develop an identity outside of the parents' concerned supervision. It's important for you to be there so your teen feels comfortable talking about difficult topics. Huckleberry House, a shelter in Columbus, Ohio, for runaway youth, suggests that independence is the ultimate goal of the adolescent.
Disagreements
Your teen has had about 12 or 13 years to develop his and her ideas. The first people she'll express these thoughts to are you, her parents. According to an article published by the University of Minnesota, "Now he has the maturity and thinking skills to come up with some of the answers himself. Remember, it is natural for a teen to question a parent's authority. You don't have to be in agreement all the time." In fact, it's likely that if you seem willing to hear your teen out, she will become an adult who will understand the importance of listening and negotiating ideas.
Breaking Rules
One of the most challenging conflicts you'll encounter is rule-breaking. Your teen may come home after curfew, skip chores or blatantly ignore scheduled commitments like homework. It's easy for a parent to easily get trapped into negotiating the rules as a way to "buy off" good behavior. If anything, this could lead to even more conflict as the teen continues to push limits and overstep boundaries. According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the best way to contain conflict is by being consistent with teens. Parents need to have good reasons for rules, based on facts, principles, fairness and kindness. Some patience will help as well.
What to Do
When a teen begins challenging your rules and ideas, it's up to you, the parent, to stay in control of the situation. Part of staying in control is staying calm and keeping the lines of communication open. You can join support groups online, ask your child's school counselor for suggestions and get talking tips from other authorities who have studied teens, their behaviors and the actions that kept them safe.
