Some relationships will not survive marital infidelity's breach of trust. But if you feel that your marriage is worth saving, you can get past infidelity by working together to restore trust, care and mutual respect in your relationship. With the help of a marriage counselor, brutal honesty and a commitment to change, the incidence of infidelity can become just a brief hiccup in your happy years as a married couple.
Step 1
Give each other space after the infidelity is revealed. You'll need time to reflect on yourself and the marriage as a whole to decide whether the relationship is worth salvaging. Even if you do decide you want to get back together, take some time apart to clear your head and to brace yourself for the effort needed to make your marriage work once again.
Step 2
Contact a marriage counselor. A therapist can help you work past the infidelity in your marriage by moderating and steering your communication, says FamilyEducation.com. You'll most likely have hurt feelings, questions and accusations, but a marriage counselor can help you articulate your feelings in a more constructive way. Through your sessions, you'll be able to determine the cause for the cheating, to mend hurt feelings and to work on ways to rebuild trust in your marriage.
Step 3
Take responsibility for the infidelity in the marriage if you are the one who strayed, suggests the Mayo Clinic. Don't offer excuses, but make sure your spouse knows that you acted of your own accord and deeply regret the incident. Avoid placing blame on anyone but yourself. If your spouse cheated on you, listen to her apologies and forgive her; you won't be able to move past the problem otherwise.
Step 4
Commit to changes in your lifestyle that will facilitate trust in your marriage. For instance, if your infidelity occurred in the workplace, quit or transfer to a new location. If you were tempted by dating sites, install a site blocker on your computer. Focus on working on your relationship, courting your spouse and committing to change.
Step 5
Acknowledge that your marriage is not the same as when you first wed. After a period of infidelity, the dynamics of the marriage will likely change, and if you are constantly pining for the "golden years," you'll be constantly disappointed with the marriage's current state. After infidelity, your marriage will change, and you need to make peace with that if you plan on staying together for the long haul.
Step 6
Take time to heal, and don't expect your marriage to be repaired overnight. It will take time, communication, forgiveness and healing before you'll be able to feel like you can fully trust your spouse again. Know that your relationship is ever evolving and that, with the right work and effort from both parties, you can have a successful, trusting relationship once again.
Member Comments