An extramarital affair can have have a devastating impact on a marriage and can be just as devastating to a family. Children have questions about every aspect of family life, and if their mother or father aren't around as much as they were before, they notice. They also notice when mom and dad aren't loving or nice to each other. The non-cheating spouse may have to answer most of the questions, making the situation even more untenable.
Significance
A family that was once happy is often torn apart when one of the spouses has an extramarital affair. The spouse who didn't cheat is often devastated by the realization that his partner has gone elsewhere for love and intimacy. This is often a step toward depression, according to infidelity specialist Dr. Robert Huizenga, the author of "Infidelity Discovered: Why He/She Won't Tell Me the Truth." There is a division between the husband and wife, and even if the goal is to rebuild the marriage, how does the spouse who didn't cheat know that the other spouse won't stray again? It creates an atmosphere of distrust.
Features
When one spouse is engaged in an extramarital affair, it can lead to questions by other members of the family. Children are particularly vulnerable when mom or dad is having an affair. If Sunday afternoons, for example, were always family time and now it's just family time once a month or so, the children want to know why a change has been made. They want to know "where's daddy" or "where's mommy" and why everything has changed. The spouse who is with the child may not know how to answer the important question.
Financial Impact
This can be another devastating consequence of the affair. Money that should be spent on the family gets diverted. Instead of buying his wife a gift, the individual having an affair may spend money on his girlfriend. The woman having an affair may take money earmarked for a vacation and spend it on an afternoon getaway with her lover. The result is that trust gets obliterated when one uses family funds for intimate pleasures with others. It makes a mockery of the marriage and can devastate the family.
Arguments
Hurt feelings abound when an affair is disclosed. The person who is cheated on feels devastated. The person who has done the cheating may feel guilty and is on edge. Every thing that goes wrong in a family becomes another thing to fight about. There is little peace, and there is little happiness. It may feel like the family home has become a battleground since there are so many arguments.
Potential
With marital and family therapy along with willing participants, it is possible to rescue the marriage and save the family from the impact of a devastating affair. It takes disclosure, honesty, a willingness to change and patience on everybody's part. Even if the therapy is successful, the spouse that has been cheated on never feels completely assured that the problem won't come up again. Time and hard work will go a long way to rebuild the marriage.
