Teenage anger takes the form of rebellion and defiant behavior as adolescents strive to become independent from their parents. This stage in a child's life generally goes on for about 2 years, but B. D. Schmitt, MD, author of "Your Child's Health," says it can last as long as 6 years. There are many things you can do to help your teenager and yourself pass through this time with minimal pain and frustration.
Conflicts
Arguments between teenagers and their parents often arise over differences between what parents want for their teens and what teens want for themselves. Parents establish rules and limits regarding school work, curfews, household chores and social activities, and teenagers challenge them. Teenagers often want to spend more time with friends than family and, when making decisions, they are more willing to be influenced by their peers than by the adults in their lives. When these conflicts create anger and friction among family members, some type of resolution becomes necessary.
Significance
Although some teen anger is normal and, to a large degree, expected, it is still important for parents to try to model healthy, positive ways of dealing with such strong feelings and find constructive ways of resolving issues as they arise. Otherwise, teenage anger can become a chronic problem that threatens the health and well-being of all family members. Anger on the part of both teenagers and parents interferes with communication among family members, increases resentment and, if it gets out of control, can lead to violent behavior.
Identification
Teenagers often seem moody, non-communicative and uncooperative, so it can be difficult for a parent to know exactly what is wrong or when and how to offer help. The challenge for parents is to figure out whether or not their teenagers are exhibiting normal behavior for their age or if their behavior is potentially self-destructive or harmful to others. Signs of more serious teen anger include doing poorly in school, being overly aggressive, bullying or violent behavior, use of drugs or alcohol and anger that is often out of control.
Solutions
Dr. Schmitt and other experts recommend that parents take as positive an approach as possible when dealing with an angry teenager. While stating your feelings and opinions, try to avoid criticism or any comments that may be perceived as an attack on your teen's lifestyle choices, friends, clothing, choice of music or world view. At the same time, be clear about the rules you establish in the home and the consequences your teen faces if those rules are broken. Keep the lines of communication open and continue to model the type of behavior you wish to see in your teenager, such as respectfulness and self-control when dealing with conflict.
Considerations
If you think your teenager is engaging in any type of risky behavior, such as drinking alcohol, taking drugs or driving recklessly, or if your teenager's anger is destructive or violent, family intervention is certainly in order. Additional help from a school guidance counselor or mental health professional may be necessary.
