3 Ways to Help Teenagers Deal With Conflict

1. Teach Teens to Be Proactive

Conflict is a part of life. Your teen is likely to be involved in multiple conflicts with peers during his formative years. You can help him with these situations by stressing the importance of talking through conflicts rather than avoiding them or reacting aggressively. Conflicts are so unpleasant he may react by pretending nothing is wrong or by avoiding the other person. Teach him to be proactive by dealing with conflicts as they arise or as soon as reasonably possible. For example, suppose a classmate believes your teen has started a rumor about her and he becomes aware of it in class. Obviously, the teen cannot respond effectively right then but should take the first opportunity to talk out the problem. Though it might be tempting for him to wait and hope it blows over, especially if he did start the rumor, it is better to be forthright and address the situation quickly to keep it from becoming a bigger issue.

2. Practice Specific Conflict Resolution Skills

Start with mirroring. When your teen becomes involved in a verbal confrontation, encourage him to really listen to his "opponent" and paraphrase back what is said to confirm his understanding. He can also help defuse a volatile situation by making "I" statements such as "I hear that you are very angry so let's talk about why." Your teen should also wait to state his own points until the other person has cooled down and can listen. This does not mean the teen should walk away but should allow the other individual to vent until he calms down. The one exception in this case is if the other person threatens violence. Other conflict resolution skills your teen should practice include direct language, arguing a single point at a time and compromise.

3. Insist Teens Treat Others With Respect

Your teenager will be able to prevent many conflicts simply by treating others with respect. Teach him what this means practically. Explain that he should be careful when it comes to teasing peers as this can often be taken the wrong way and lead to fights or repressed feelings of resentment. Remind him not to participate in belittling others, "trash talking" or gossiping. When he does become involved in a conflict, teach him to fight fair by not making "personal" statements (like criticizing the other's looks or intelligence).