Not only do job recruiters look for candidates with good communication and leadership skills, but this is what people look for in friends as well. Interpersonal skills comes naturally for some. For others, however, being reminded to listen, smile and say thank you takes a little more coaxing. You can strengthen your own people skills with practice.
Step 1
Start a conversation with someone. At a bar, coffee shop or on the job, don’t hesitate to start a discussion with a person who is making eye contact. Initiating conversation makes you look secure and will make you feel secure as well—an attractive quality in anyone.
Step 2
Listen when someone is speaking. Interrupting with personal stories or opinions makes it look like you’re not interested in what the other person is saying. People feel appreciated when they’re listed to.
Step 3
Ask questions. This shows interest and curiosity in other people. People typically like talking about themselves too. So asking questions engages them in an activity they enjoy.
Step 4
Use the person’s name in conversation. When you repeat a person’s name a few times throughout a conversation, it sends the message that the conversation is personal and intimate.
Step 5
Make eye contact. A wandering eye comes off like boredom and disinterest. It’s like saying you’d prefer to be somewhere else and with someone else.
Step 6
Don’t interrupt when someone is talking to you. It shows that you value what the person is saying. Interrupting someone when they talk also shows that the only view you’re willing to talk about is your own.
Step 7
Compliment, show appreciation and say thank you. It’s really important for people to feel accepted and valued. Acknowledging a person in this way will also draw them back to you.
Step 8
Smile. It seems simple, but people are attracted to happy people. Those who walk around angry and frowning, who look tense and stressed, send signals to others that they’re angry or anxious—emotions that can repel people.
Step 9
Shake hands. Marlene Obermeyer, author of the article “Handshaking: Do You Know What Your Handshake Says About You?” breaks it down like this: the flabby handshake is used by pessimists; the handshake that won’t let go is asking “what’s in it for me?”; the automatic handshake appears uninterested and disconnected; and a normal handshake conveys confidence and professionalism.
Tips and Warnings
- An important aspect to developing people skills is the ability to recognize boundaries. If you come across a person reluctant to talk or uninterested in your attempts to be friendly, it's best to acknowledge their feelings.
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