Effective communication between you, your child and your family as a whole is imperative to strong relationships, life balance and the development of your child's sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Active Listening
Listening is perhaps one of the most important communication tools to develop. Listening is important because it sends a message to the speaker that "you matter to me." Too often we are caught up in thinking about what we're going to say next versus truly listening to another. Being fully engaged in listening means that your attention is completely on your child or spouse, you're committed to hearing what they have to say and you're emotionally connecting to their story. Listening builds strong, long-lasting relationships, and increases your child's sense of self-worth.
Create Clear Messages
Another important tool in communication is speaking, creating clear messages. That may seem simple, since we're all very good at talking. However, too often we speak without thinking or we speak without considering how another person may feel or respond. You don't have to walk around worrying about what you're going to say--it's the taking responsibility that's important. Yes, the listener is responsible for how he chooses to hear it or perceive it as well. But as an effective communicator, you'll take full responsibility for what you say--when you say it--and how you say it. If there is miscommunication between the listener and the speaker, each point of view can be validated and amends can be made if necessary. Communicating clear messages lessens conflict and misunderstandings.
Respect
Modeling and teaching respectful communication to your children will prepare them for relationships and professional life. Respectful communication may be a family rule, spoken or unspoken. No put downs, name calling, criticizing or manipulating are simple expectations for young children and teenagers to understand. Children who are on the receiving end of respectful communication from parents will develop a strong sense of self-esteem. When sorting out differences in your family, look for fairness, rightness and a way to respect all points of view.
Honesty
Honest communication is crucial in families. Too often family members withhold how they're feeling, and issues or hurts go unresolved. Expecting honesty from your teenagers and children requires that you model honesty. That means that you talk about how you feel, be honest about your emotions and ask for what you need. Honesty also might be simply modeled by admitting you're the one who left the toothpaste cap off, for example. Encourage honest communication--and make it emotionally safe for your child to communicate honestly with you.
Love
Love is a feeling, and an experience. To communicate love is a choice. Choosing to be engaged in effective communication is an act of love, though it may not feel like it to your children or teens. Be conscious about bringing love and the experience of it through your communication with your child. Validating your child's point of view is loving, as is being understanding and empathic about how she feels. Allowing your child to have a different opinion than you--even if you'd like it to be the same--is an act of loving communication. Not only tell your child that you love him, express what you love and appreciate about him. Be specific. This kind of communication helps your child feel safe, loved and validated, and you will find your child mirroring it as you continue communicating with him in this way.
