Talking about sexuality isn't easy for many parents, but from the simplest level when they're toddlers, to the complicated issues facing teens, your kids need to know they can come to you for information and support. Don't worry if you're uncomfortable at first, because you have time to become more confident. Proper sex education is not limited to "the" mandatory talk everyone goes through at puberty; it should be viewed more as an ongoing process that changes as your child grows.
Step 1
Start early. Keep it age appropriate, but talk openly from an early age to pave the way for comfortable communication as your child becomes a teen. If your young child surprises you with a sophisticated question, find out why she's asking before going into a detailed answer. Her age and perspective may only need a simple answer, such as "babies come from mommies," rather than the in-depth explanation your adult perspective thinks is necessary.
Step 2
Acknowledge your own level of anxiety. It's OK if you're not comfortable talking about sex. Just be honest with your kids and make it clear you're available to talk. Keep in mind that your older children may be just as apprehensive about talking to you. If the topic is too difficult for you to deal with, find an educator or a nurse at a family planning clinic. They are available to answer questions and talk with you and your child---together or separately.
Step 3
Learn the basics. All the information you need is available online, at the county health department or from a family planning clinic. It's important to teach your kids how the body works, about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). The more you know, the more confidence you'll have.
Step 4
Prepare for the tough issues. Stop to consider what you think about---and how you'll respond to---difficult questions, such as: "I'm being pressured to have sex. What do I do?" or "I'm ready to have sex; can I get birth control?" Your teen may face issues that were unheard of in your generation, such as peer pressure to have oral sex or to be a "friend with benefits" (hooking up to have sex with a friend you're not dating). Many teens consider oral sex to be a safe way to avoid pregnancy and STDs while technically remaining a virgin. Some teens are under pressure to engage in activities they're not ready for and need support. In a report provided by the Kaiser Family Foundation, 21 percent of teens aged 15 to 17 said they had oral sex just to avoid intercourse, and 24 percent said they had participated in sexual activity that they didn't want to do.
Step 5
Express your values and opinions. Teach your kids about respect, responsibility, commitment, establishing boundaries and avoiding risky behavior. Define mutual consent and stress that no means no. The concept of "friends with benefits" implies sex can easily be separated from emotions, so talk about feelings and emotional connections arising from intimacy. Be ready to talk about issues such as premarital sex and at what age it is OK to date or have sex.
Step 6
Keep the door open. Sometimes all you need to do is listen. What's important is that your kids know you're always there to talk and that they can rely on you for support.
