Anyone with a defiant child knows that the regular avenues of discipline don't work. When you try to assert your power as a parent, your defiant child asserts right back, locking you in a war of wills that your child usually wins. Parenting experts urge you to shift your methods of discipline with a defiant child so that he begins working for you, not against you. It may seem counterintuitive, but more positive parenting may be the answer to taming your child's defiance and finding a peaceful balance in your family.
Step 1
Stop focusing on the bad things your defiant child does, urges author and parenting expert Alan Kazdin, author of "How to Discipline a Defiant Child." Too often, a parent only springs into action when a child exhibits bad behavior, meaning this is the time the defiant child most frequently gets attention, reinforcing the bad behavior. Instead, focus on the positive things your child does and the things you want her to do instead of what you don't want her to do.
Step 2
Catch your child being good. With defiant children, you may think that is easier said than done. But watch for the good, even if it is something so small as eating his dinner calmly, washing his hands after using the potty or sharing with another child. You may have to reprogram your way of parenting to watch for the good rather than the misbehavior. Give plenty of praise and enthusiasm for good behavior, no matter how small. Show your defiant child that it pays for him to be good.
Step 3
Show a clear consequence and reward for actions. Additude magazine, for parents of children with Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, calls it the "carrot and stick" method. For each behavior, lay out the carrot and the stick for your child. The carrot symbolizes praise and rewards for cooperation. The stick shows consequences and a removal of privileges. Making sure your defiant child knows the carrot and stick for each action can help her make better choices.
Step 4
Practice better communication with your child. A defiant child may simply be rebelling against a parent who doesn't understand him. Take time each day to talk about things that make him happy and sad, things that scare him and the reasons for these feelings. You may find that what you thought was just typical defiant behavior is the result of other feelings and emotions.
Step 5
Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician if your defiant child's behavior doesn't improve with a change in disciplinary tactics. She may need to be evaluated for ADD, ADHD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), which may require medication and therapy to be properly treated.
