3 Ways to Understand Teenage Relationships

1. Get to Know the Families of Your Teen's Friends

Getting to know the families of your child's friends will help you understand her relationships. Though she may try to block you from interacting with the parents of her boyfriend due to embarrassment or some other reason, don't be deterred. While parents shouldn't a bigger deal than necessary about a causal dating relationship, do discuss the relationship with the boy's parents and set guidelines for it. (The same goes for parents of your son's girlfriend.) If a situation arises in your child's relationship that requires adult intervention, the two sets of parents can then work together to address it.

2. Stress the Importance of Developing More Than One Relationship

Teens often form concentrated relationships so intense that parents fear their effects. Though in most cases you don't want to discourage your child from dating a particular person, you may want to encourage him to branch out a little. Understand that though you may be reluctant to intervene in his dating life, this aspect of your child's growth and maturity needs your input and guidance just like any other. Don't shy away from advising him. Remember though, that he may react to what he perceives as overbearing guidance by doing the exact opposite of what you advise.

3. Encourage Teens to Participate in Balanced Friendships

Counsel your teen about balanced friendships. Explain that friendships have an equivalent amount of give and take. Tell her to watch out for relationships in which one person makes all the decisions or is in some other way controlling. She may need to be reminded to stay true to herself when caught up in an intense relationship, especially a dating one which is a new experience. If you recognize an imbalance in your child's dating relationship, guide her into discovering this for herself rather than making a proclamation which may seem meaningless or controlling to her. Have her write down the past week's interactions with her boyfriend. Let her identify who does the most calling, who generally decides how time will be spent, whose friends the two of them hang out with and other questions that can illustrate an imbalance. When she sees the problem herself, she can take steps to change the situation or end the relationship if necessary.