1. Set Clear Boundaries
Teens need clear and consistent limits to their behavior, so make sure your teens know specifically what behaviors will not be tolerated--and their consequences. Teens can be especially crafty when things are left open-ended. Threatening to take away video game privileges if your son gives you "attitude" leaves you wide open for an argument. The ensuing back-and-forth exchange will do nothing more than inflame the situation and trigger a fight. Instead, outline specific behaviors such as door slamming, yelling, name calling, using obscenities and complaining that will result in a specific consequence. Be firm and consistent in calling the teen out on the particular behavior and following through with the pre-set consequence. Don't punish every little defiant behavior, however. Muttering, eye rolling and sighing are just part of being a teen.
2. Give Kids the Space They Need
Most teen defiance stems from the pressures surrounding them. They are stuck in an uncomfortable middle zone between childhood and adulthood and feel anxieties about school, peers and parents. Backing off from a teen who is sullen and moody may be the best thing you can do. Teens need decompression time. They need to spend hours alone in their rooms with their music blasting. Simply allowing your teen time to himself may help curb defiant behavior.
3. Seek Help From Your Community
Sometimes defiant behavior exceeds the normal acting out of the typical teenager. If your teen commits violent acts or runs away from home, you should seek professional help. Have your teen assessed by a mental health professional to determine an appropriate course of action. Also, look to the community for help. Enroll your teen in community center programs or school activities like sports, games or clubs. Do not attempt to deal with serious behavior issues alone.
