The signs of infidelity often are subtle, but when combined with other changes in your spouse's behavior, they may lead you to find the truth. Extended work hours, additional meetings, travel to which you're not invited, lack of interest in sex and secret credit cards are obvious signs that something is wrong. If you receive explanations for the obvious changes in behavior, watch for signs of cheating that are subtler.
Step 1
Watch for behavioral changes from your spouse that seem to have your best interests at heart, such as not wanting you to pick him up at the airport or insisting on taking his own laundry to the dry cleaners. He may tell you he's trying to save you time and effort, but he may really be trying to cover up more obvious signs of cheating.
Step 2
Check her key ring for keys you can't identify. Search the glove box of her car for garage-door openers or other keys that may be used at another person's house. While you're in the car, check to see if your children's toys or car seats have been removed or hidden in the trunk.
Step 3
Stay vigilant with your family computer. Email and Web chatting are common forms of communication between cheating partners, reports private investigator Bill Mitchell for the National Directory of Family & Marriage Counseling. You can look at the Internet history on your computer as well as deleted items in the email program. Check the computer if your spouse suddenly changes the screen when you enter the room or quickly shuts it down. Be wary if your spouse refuses to share passwords with you.
Step 4
Sniff your spouse unobtrusively when he gets home, or smell his clothes in the hamper. Subtle odors, such as another person's cologne, food smells, alcohol, pets or smoke, can linger until clothes are washed.
Step 5
Consider her actions after you have a fight or disagreement, advises Dr. Betty Phillips, a psychologist specializing in counseling separating and divorcing individuals. If your spouse routinely leaves home during a fight, particularly if she initiates the fight, she may be creating excuses to leave and to call or to visit her lover. Observe her behavior when she returns. If she seems more relaxed and happy, find out where she's been.
Tips and Warnings
- Listen closely for changes in the subjects your spouse chooses to talk about. Often cheating spouses unknowingly reveal new experiences of which you were not aware or start talking about subjects they have never been interested in before, reports Dr. Betty Phillips.
- When you confront your spouse or question her about inconsistencies, beware of the response. If your spouse tries to turn the tables to make you feel bad for accusing her, she may be trying to put you on the defensive, a common tactic with cheating spouses. If you continually are ignored, not taken seriously or told that you are imaging things, consider this treatment another subtle warning that your spouse may be having an affair.
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