1. Practice Active Listening When Communicating With Teens
It is sometimes all too easy to hear your teenager without really listening. Don't just listen for the gist of what is being said. Instead, actively listen for details and tone. The details can provide you with important clues about your teen's deepest concerns--which may not be the same as your own. For instance, if your teen tells you she got a D on a test and is on the outs with her best friend, don't become so preoccupied with the bad grade that you fail to ask about the troubled friendship. By actively listening, you can discover underlying issues your teen needs to discuss.
2. Openly Communicate With Teens by Focusing on Their Interests
Everyone likes to talk about the passions in their lives. Rather than being the exception, teens go out of their way to prove the rule. Teens are generally passionate about many things, including music, sports, their friends and the Internet. Get teenagers to open up to you by paying attention to what they like. Learning about their interests is proof of your regard for them as people. They will probably enjoy educating you about their favorite films, bands or websites--and the rapport you build will make it easier to discuss difficult, potentially uncomfortable subjects in the future.
3. Wait Until the Right Moment
Have you ever tried to talk with your spouse the moment he opens his eyes in the morning, or communicate with your boss after she has just walked into the office after driving in gridlocked traffic? Just as you wouldn't approach an adult in these scenarios and expect him to be ready to communicate with you, don't expect a sleepy or overwhelmed teenager to be receptive to your invitations to talk. Pick your opportunities wisely. Try to approach your teen during a "downtime" in his day. Long drives or family dinners can be good times to talk. Further, try not to approach a teen to talk over a difficult matter when you are in a highly emotional state. If you have just learned your teen was in attendance at a party where marijuana was being smoked, don't just burst into his room to confront him. Instead, wait until you have cooled down and are calm enough to have a serious conversation. If you are overly agitated, your teenager may shut down completely.
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