What Skills Are Important in Listening?

There is a big difference between hearing versus actually listening to someone. Failure to listen well can result in not being able to absorb vital information and a general lack of connection between people who are attempting to work toward common aims. There is more to listening than making eye contact and not preparing what you will say in response to a speaker while he is speaking.

Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing is essentially rewording what someone has said to you to give this person another way of seeing his statement. Paraphrasing can also help clarify what someone else has said. Even if the other person disagrees with you after you try paraphrasing what he has said, the act of trying to paraphrase can help the other person communicate what he is trying to tell you in another way that gets to the heart of his message better. An example of paraphrasing is when someone tells you, "I think she was stupid to date him," and you reply, "I am hearing you say that you believe she should not date him."

Asking Meaningful Questions

Another important skill in listening is being able to ask relevant clarifying questions to a person who is speaking to you when you are not certain what she is trying to communicate. This is one way to demonstrate that you are actively listening to the other person and wish to really understand what she is saying. It is important to ask open questions when doing this so that your response will be more elaborate than a simple "yes" or "no" answer. Asking open questions can also help a speaker clarify her points for you to be able to understand them better. It is important to learn how to time your questions for when the speaker pauses. Interrupt the speaker only if you are truly lost and need clarification before being able to absorb any more information.

Feeling Reflections

Feeling reflections are responses you can offer to express an emotion you have experienced in the speaker when he has made a certain statement. Feeling reflections are similar to paraphrasing in that you repeat what the speaker has said back to him in different words, except that you repeat to the speaker the feeling you intuited that he was experiencing. An example of paraphrasing is when someone tells you, "I am so mad at my mom for forgetting my birthday," and you reply, "I hear you saying that you feel angry and hurt because your mom did not remember your birthday."

References

Article reviewed by DeborahO Last updated on: Feb 7, 2010

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