Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy for a victim. Often, the abuse occurs on multiple levels: emotional, physical, verbal and sexual, resulting in your abuser's absolute control over every aspect of your life. There is a tremendous amount of fear associated with process of leaving, and these fears often thwart action. The rapid increase of domestic violence cases over the years has prompted the increase in awareness of abuse, as well as aid for victims. Breaking the cycle of abuse is a frightening endeavor, but fortunately, there are many resources available to support you in the process of reclaiming your self-respect, and a life free of fear.
You
Changing the outcome of your future is a choice that only you can make. Recognizing that you deserve a better life by protecting yourself from harm and seeking help is the first and most crucial step in the process of leaving your abuser. Even before you leave, there is help for you; you don't have to be alone in any stage of the process. A variety of resources are available to assist with the preparation, the leaving and the healing: shelters, hotlines, support groups and the law. Making the decision to leave is entirely your responsibility, but after you determine this, it is imperative to seek help and support in order to maintain your resolution.
Family and Friends
Family and friends are among a list of key allies---not only against your abuser, but also against yourself. Victims of abuse often rationalize the abuser's actions and frequently return to the abuser several times before leaving forever. Having a solid support system helps to eliminate the chance of returning to your abuser. Being honest with friends and family is vital, and you need to trust their judgments, because they either have observed the behavior of the abuser or have seen the consequences of the abuse.
Hotlines and Support Groups
Advice and support are available to you around the clock from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Hotlines offer assistance for referrals to victim's shelters that provide resources for employment, housing, guidance for maintaining your privacy and descriptions of your legal rights. Joining a support group for victims of abuse may be a more comfortable setting for you to confide in others about your experiences. Relating to people who have endured similar suffering can be more productive in the process of recognizing the abuse and resolving to never return to the abuser.
Therapy
Recognizing that the abuse isn't a result of a deficiency in you is a vital yet often a difficult concept for many victims to grasp. Developing a trusting relationship with a professional can help you understand the psychology of denial and rationalization that transpires in you, as a victim, due to abuse. Moving away from the feelings of inadequacy and helplessness into a position of control and self-confidence in your life requires a therapeutic process. Healing the emotional and physical scars of the trauma you've endured is a fundamental element in the process of moving on and in learning how to regain trust in yourself and in others.
The Law
Knowing your legal rights is important because through awareness comes knowledge of how to better protect yourself from your abuser, and prevent any further abuse after you leave. Obtaining a restraining order is an essential measure of protection, but it is also important for any legal proceedings that necessitate this documentation. Be aware, however, that filing a restraining order will undoubtedly induce a more profound severity of action or anger in the abuser. Consequently, it's crucial that you stay with someone who is unknown to the abuser. Obtaining an emergency restraining order immediately facilitates not only legal stipulations, but also some extra protection that usually last about 72 hours. This is the time to make a full police report and file a permanent restraining order.
Warnings
Cutting off communication with your abuser can be an extremely difficult process, but it can also be dangerous. Your abuser doesn't distinguish boundaries amid his rage and, therefore, he will do anything necessary to gain access to any information about you. Maintain your privacy as diligently as possible; as basic as it may sound, don't reveal your location or other sensitive information to anyone except those you trust implicitly.
Member Comments