Nearly every child is going to have a temper tantrum or show anger every once in a while, and while the tantrum is annoying, it usually passes when the child learns he's not going to get what he wants by screaming and throwing himself on the ground. Some children, though, have angry outbursts because they don't know how to process their emotions or how to calm themselves down. Those children need your intervention during one of these episodes.
Step 1
Talk with your child about his emotions when he is calm. Angry adults can't think straight, so trying to help your child sort out his emotions when he is raging is impossible. Instead, choose a time when he is relaxed, such as before bed or while riding in the car, to discuss previous negative behaviors. What you see as anger may actually be hurt feelings or jealousy. Tell your child that being angry is very normal, but he needs to find other ways to channel his feelings. Use this time to come up with ways that your child can redirect his anger, such as hitting or kicking a pillow or jumping up and down 10 times.
Step 2
Keep a journal of your child's outbursts or tantrums. After a week or 10 days, refer to the journal to see if the tantrums occur at similar times or with similar triggers. For instance, if your child always gets angry at 3 p.m., perhaps she is hungry. Or if your child always has outbursts right after lunch, a food allergy may be triggering her anger. A 2001 study conducted on common food dyes and additives showed that as many as 25 percent of toddlers experience tantrums as a result of food additives and colorings.
Step 3
Do not lose your temper when your child has a tantrum or when you get angry at your child. Model appropriate behavior by assessing the situation and making your own positive choices, suggests child expert Dr. William Sears. If your child has drawn on the walls, for instance, explain that his behavior will have consequences and that he needs to help you clean it up. Keep your voice calm while you are doling out the discipline and doing the cleaning, and your child will see how it's better to react with action than anger to an issue.
Step 4
Use your child's angry outburst as a teaching moment. Dr. William Sears suggests listening to why your child is angry and showing empathy and then calmly explaining your side of the disagreement and why you made the decision that you did. You need to remain in control of the situation, but your child needs to learn that her emotions are normal and valid, even if she ultimately does not get what she wants.
Tips and Warnings
- Remove your child's shoes when he falls into a tantrum, as it will keep him and your furniture safer.
- If your child's tantrums or angry outbursts continue or escalate, seek medical or counseling attention to determine whether an underlying physical or emotional issue that may not be obvious to you is causing the episodes.
Things You'll Need
- Journal or notebook
