1. Focus on Their Interests to Open Lines of Communication
Do you talk to your teen or at her? Chances are, if you hear yourself saying things like "Make sure your homework is done before you go out" and "Sort your laundry for the next load" but not much else, then you are probably not communicating well with her. Talking to teenagers involves an exchange of information rather than only giving directives. Getting teens to participate in a two-way communication can be challenging, but one way to initiate it is to appeal to your her passions. Ask her the questions that will get her talking, such as "What's your favorite guilty pleasure?" and "If you could trade places for an hour with someone, who would it be?"
2. Pick Your Moments to Converse With Teens
Talking with teens requires patience. You cannot expect to have memorable life-affirming conversations with them at the drop of the hat. Instead, wait for and plan for the best moments. Take advantage of the times your teen is not occupied with anything in particular. Use the time to talk while in the car on the way to sports practice, for example, or let your teen know in advance you will need his help with a particular task such as clearing out the attic. As you work on the task, engage him in conversation. Using a planned activity will be much more palatable and natural to you both than informing him that you will be sitting down to talk.
3. Maintain Your Role as Parent When Talking to Teens
You are a loving, nurturing and guiding force and authority in your child's life. While you naturally want to form a deep friendship bond with your teen, you cannot talk to her as though the two of you are "buddies." You can still have wonderful close talks, but you must maintain your role as her parent. Interacting as a peer with your child can compromise your role as parent and potentially lead to disrespect and her reluctance to follow your directives. Enjoy your conversations with her, but make sure the roles of parent and child are maintained.
