1. Time Out to Change Behavior
Time-outs have become a commonly recommended form of discipline for toddlers and school-aged children. To make time-outs effective, however, you have to look at them more as tools to adjust behavior rather than as punishments. Time-outs are meant to remove children from the situations that are contributing to their bad behavior and provide an opportunity for them to think about what they have done. A time-out stops bad behavior in its tracks. You should not use a time-out punitively, but rather as a chance to teach your child how to manage anger, aggression, hyperactivity and other negative feelings and reactions.
It helps to designate an official space, such as a corner or a staircase, for time-outs. When your child is misbehaving, take her to the time-out space and explain in age-appropriate language why she is getting a time-out. To determine the duration of the time-out, allot 1 minute for every year of the child's age. When the period is over, ask for an apology and accept the child back into the activity. You can allow school-aged children to leave a time-out when they feel as though their moods have changed, and they can return to their activities. The goal is to teach your child how to manage emotions and to recognize acceptable behavior
2. Ignore Minor Misbehavior
Bad behavior, particularly in younger children, can often be attention-seeking. The important thing to remember about attention-seeking behavior is that even negative attention is interpreted as a reward. Consequently, minor misbehavior such as noise-making, swearing and other actions that are more annoying than anything else can be corrected by ignoring them. Reprimands, punishments, time-outs for these sorts of behaviors only serve as reinforcers.
Ignoring is a form of gentle discipline that tells your child that she will not get what she wants while acting inappropriately. While you ignore the behavior, prevent it from escalating to a dangerous level. It's likely that the behavior will exacerbate before it improves, but you don't want to ignore anything that could put your child in harm's way or endanger someone else.
3. Warnings Can Preempt Consequences
Warnings provide children with the opportunity to correct bad behavior before consequences are assessed. To make warnings effective, clarify the consequence that will be imposed and follow through with them if the behavior doesn't change. If you are not prepared to follow through, don't give the warning.
Taking away an object that is contributing to bad behavior is an effective form of discipline, and using that consequence in a warning is also effective. For example, if two children are fighting over a toy, you can warn them that if they do not stop fighting, the toy will be taken away. It's important that the consequences fit the bad behavior. Warnings for arbitrary consequences are often counter-productive.
