Sometimes, jealousy between adult siblings can not only poison their relationship to each other but can also have devastating effects on the entire extended family. It can also affect the person who experiences the jealous feelings, degrading his self-worth and making him feel guilty that he shouldn't feel this way about his sibling but is powerless to stop.
Causes
One cause of adult sibling jealousy is when one sibling feels like the other was more loved or better treated in childhood. This could have been caused by parental or teacher favoritism or by expectations placed on her in childhood. Another cause is when one sibling has excelled at something the other wishes she were better at, such as financial success, social status or sports prowess.
Situations
There are some situations and events that come up in adult siblings' lives that are common circumstances for jealousy to arise. Marriage and the birth of a child are two frequent sparks that set off feelings of envy in a sibling. Career success is another potential flashpoint for sibling jealousy to arise. Aging parents may also inspire jealousy as the adult children take on new roles in response to the changing family dynamic.
Strategies
Some strategies that have been successfully employed to help defuse feelings of jealousy and resentment between siblings include talking about the feelings, apologizing and asking for cooperation to build a better relationship. Another way to help restore the sibling relationship is to approach each other on equal terms. Instead of a more-successful sibling treating the other to dinner, try meeting at a coffee shop that both parties can afford or participating in an activity both can enjoy, such as a fishing trip.
Benefits
While adult jealousy between siblings seems like it could only have a negative impact on those involved, sometimes sibling jealousy between adult brothers and sisters can be turned into something beneficial. Discussing jealousy and envy can bring adult siblings closer together if they work together to resolve their problems with each other. Siblings who realize that they each have feelings of jealousy regarding the other might be able to recognize what the others see, making them feel more grateful for their own lives.
Considerations
If you're trying to repair a relationship tainted by adult sibling jealousy, it may take a while. Both parties must be willing to work on the relationship for it to work. Years of jealousy are hard to undo, especially if there are still disparities between the two, such as drastically different incomes or lifestyles. It's one thing to talk out the issues once or twice, but it is important when working on reducing sibling jealousy to focus on building the relationship anew instead of rehashing old rivalries over and over again.
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