It is estimated that one-third of all women will experience some form of abuse in their lifetime. Verbal abuse can be one of the most insidious types. Despite what it may seem, verbal abuse is not always obvious. In fact, many of the signs of verbal abuse are quite subtle. Knowing what to look for is the first step in ending it.
Control
Verbal abuse stems from a desire to have control over your partner. It often begins with telling the victim how she should behave. Common examples are telling a partner how to dress, who she can associate with or dictating when the couple has sex. Any decision that is made without mutual consent can be a sign of abuse, as abusers are not concerned about their partners' wishes--only their own level of control.
Self-Esteem
Another sign of verbal abuse is when one partner makes the other feel insignificant, or wants her partner to remain a passive part of the relationship. This runs the gamut from taking control of the finances, not allowing the victim to open mail or any situation in which the abuser tries to create an image of superiority or being "the boss." Making the victim feel incompetent is the goal. More visible are direct insults and put-downs. Statements that begin with "If it weren't for me..." are common attempts to make the abuser feel superior in some way. Wearing away your self-esteem is what abusers thrive on.
Threats
Threats to your physical or sexual safety should not be taken lightly. Often an abuser will threaten his partner's family members, pets or friends. But even if abusers do not actually harm an individual, it is not unusual for them to throw or break objects or even acquire weapons. Unfortunately, when the victim tries to take back control in the relationship or makes any attempt to leave is when verbal abuse can turn physical.
Getting Help
Many people tend to downplay verbal abuse in its subtle forms, and justify the abuser's behavior. But any time you feel inferior or nervous around your partner, it is important to take notice. Because it can easily escalate--especially when a victim is preparing to leave an abusive relationship--getting help is very important. Seeking the assistance of a qualified therapist or doctor can help sort out how to deal with a verbally abusive partner. Also visit helpguide.org for more information.
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