Communication can be broken down into two primary functions: sending and receiving messages. Miscommunication occurs when thoughts and feelings distort the intended message. You can improve communication by listening openly to the ideas and opinions of others. Clearly identify the purpose of your messages and gain insight on how these messages will be perceived by others. Quoting the philosophic teachings of Epictetus, "First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak."
Increase Your Self-Awareness
It is important to recognize that thoughts and feelings impact the way you communicate with others. Anger can diminish your ability to understand the perspective of another person and will likely result in arguing and disagreement. The University of Maine published an article on effective communication that suggests "other emotions, such as pain, fear, despair, or frustration are often expressed as anger." Increasing your self-awareness will prevent your thoughts and feelings from controlling the conversation.
Become an Active Listener
Active listening occurs when you are receptive to the ideas of others and can see things from a different perspective. You can validate the thoughts and feelings of the other person by reflecting back and summarizing the main idea of his message. This will show that you are engaged in the listening process and are making a conscious effort to increase your understanding.
Avoid Judgment and Criticism
Eliminating judgment and criticism helps to maintain a respectful environment in which effective communication can occur. Avoid interrupting someone else she is speaking or trying to take control of the conversation. Other people will be more receptive to hearing your thoughts and feelings if you show that you are respectful of theirs.
Ask Questions
Asking questions will allow you to obtain useful information from the other person. By clarifying the message you show the other person that you are focused on the conversation and want to increase your understanding. Be aware that you may misinterpret the speaker's message and avoid making inaccurate assumptions.
Speak Assertively
Assertive communication exists when you convey a message while taking into consideration the thoughts and feelings of others. Try to be direct and speak with authority. The use of "I" statements will help you be accountable and avoid placing blame on outside factors such as people or events. When you say, "I am feeling really unappreciated," you take responsibility for how you are feeling. If you were to say, "You are not being appreciative," the other person is more likely to argue and dispute your statement.
Be Concise
Messages that are clear and to the point facilitate effective communication. Make sure to keep the discussion relevant and organized. By bringing up additional or past issues of concern you will complicate the conversation. It is best to deal with one situation at a time.
Problem Solving
In some instances, the goal of communication is to identify a problem or conflict and find a solution. Problem solving is process that involves both collaboration and compromise. Together you must come up with an agreeable list of solutions and determine how they can be achieved.
References
- "Communicating in Relationships: A Guide for Couples and Professionals"; Frank D. Fincham, Leyan O.L. Fernandes, & Keith Humphreys; 1993
- Communication Skills
- Effective Communication: Getting Things Done in Groups
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