A child who doesn't listen frustrates parents and teachers. Cathryn Tobin, MD, at iVillage says, "Not listening is right up there at the top of the list of things that drive parents crazy." Generally, however, a child who doesn't listen can be encouraged and motivated to change. Not listening may be a bad habit, an attention-seeking behavior or an act of noncompliance. Change your interactions with the non listener and most likely, the child's degree of listening and compliance will improve.
Step 1
Give all instructions to your child with touch and eye contact. Before you begin to give instructions, touch your child's arm or shoulder. Then wait for him to look at you. Often, parents give directions without noticing if their child is paying attention. By including touch and eye contact, you are slowing down the communication process and presenting it as a two-way discussion.
Step 2
Change your communication style to help get your child's attention. If you usually raise your voice to get her attention, speak very quietly. If you usually use lots of words to tell what you want done, condense your instructions into as few words as possible. If you often repeat yourself, only say things once and then wait for your child to comply. If you usually tell your child what to do, turn it into a question and ask your child what she needs to be doing. At Parent Involvement Matters, parents are reminded that children often learn more when we do less talking.
Step 3
Provide written rules and guidelines for your child's daily routine. Written schedules help reduce the need for verbal requests and reminders that are problematic for children who don't listen carefully. Develop a schedule with your child's help, and post it where he can easily refer to it. For young children, include both words and pictures to indicate what he should be doing at different times of the day.
Step 4
Verify that your child heard you. After you give your child instructions, have her repeat the directions back to you. In a normal tone of voice, ask your child, "What did I ask you to do?" Or, "Remind me what you're going to do next." Asking your child to repeat directions assures you that she did hear you and lessens the potential for your child to say, "...but I never heard you say that!"
Step 5
Allow natural consequence to happen in order to help encourage your child to listen and act on your instructions. If you tell your child to put his shoes on because you're getting ready to walk to the playground and he continue playing, he misses her time at the playground. If you tell your child to come to the kitchen to help you make lunch and he continues playing, he misses out on the opportunity to help pick what he wants to eat.
Step 6
Institute early bedtimes for continued not listening. Use a sad tone of voice and tell your child that since she is having trouble listening, you are sure she must be tired and that in order to help her hear better tomorrow, you are sending her to bed early. Negative consequences, such as going to bed early or extra chores, should be reserved for use after implementing other techniques.
Tips and Warnings
- Check to see if your child has any hearing or auditory problems. Sometimes children don't listen because they're distracted and very engaged in their current activity. Sometimes, however, there may be biological issues including hearing problems or auditory processing issues. Consider if your child needs an assessment by your pediatrician for physical or biological problems.
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