Every toddler falls victim to the dreaded toddler temper tantrum. Starting around the second year of age and lasting well into the fourth, a toddler can become frustrated and angry, and throw a tantrum by kicking, screaming and causing a scene until she is able to procure what she wants from you. You don't always have to give in to handle a toddler temper tantrum; instead, follow the wisdom of parenting experts that agree that you should teach your child to communicate more effectively and stop the tantrum in its tracks.
Step 1
Identify the cause of the tantrum before you decide best how to deal with it, recommends Dr. William Sears, Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine. Sure, your child may be having a fit because he can't have candy at the grocery store, but identify the real cause behind the outburst. Realizing that your child is hungry, scared, tired or confused can give you better insight on how to handle the temper tantrum.
Step 2
Remove your child from the place where she is having her tantrum. You need to deal with the tantrum in a quiet, private place, free of outside stimulation and embarrassment. This can also help you to cool off and not be too rash in any discipline.
Step 3
Speak to your toddler in words that she can understand. Dr. Harvey Karp, author of "Happiest Toddler on the Block," recommends a "caveman" approach, where you speak to your child in short, one-syllable words, mimicking her anger and voicing her concerns. For example, get down on her level and say, "You mad! You want candy and mommy said no! You yell and scream!" This will instantly calm your child down, in preparation to stopping the tantrum altogether. It also helps her to know you understand her anger and validate it.
Step 4
Offer another solution to your child. For instance, after a tantrum at the grocery store, offer him a juice box or some other treat that you feel comfortable buying. Or, tell him that you'll be done soon and then you can go home and watch a video together. Instead of giving in each time, redirect his attention to something else so that the tantrum is forgotten.
Step 5
Show physical affection by offering a hug, and knowing that your child isn't misbehaving for the sake of being difficult. If you've identified an outside trigger to the tantrum, like tiredness, hunger or fear, make sure to remedy the trigger by offering a nap, a snack or an explanation so your toddler is less likely to erupt again.
References
- Dr. Sears: Temper Tantrums
- Happiest Toddler on the Block: Harvey Karp, M.D., 2008
- KidsHealth.org: Temper Tantrums
