According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, adopted children generally have lives that are more or less like those who are brought up by their birth parents. Adoptees do, however, experience certain emotional difficulties that are unique to those who are adopted, which can affect them at different points of their lives.
Feelings of Loss and Grief
The Child Welfare Information Gateway reports that adopted children feel a sense of loss and abandonment at some point in their lives. The Gateway cites the fact that many books and articles written by adopted people have themes that highlight feelings of rejection, abandonment and loss. Adoptees, especially those adopted as older children, also mourn the loss of their siblings, grandparents and other birth family members. In addition to feeling grief over not knowing their birth parents, adoptees also question what was "wrong" with them to cause their parents to abandon them for adoption.
Feelings of Guilt
In addition to the sadness that accompanies grief and loss, adopted children also feel guilty for feeling sad. Especially when an adoptee has been adopted into a loving and supportive family, it can make an adopted child feel especially remorseful for feeling a sense of grief and loss. The Gateway also points out the fact that there is no real outlet for these feelings of guilt, as it is a reaction to adoption that society generally does not acknowledge.
Mixed Emotions
The Gateway reports that adopted children feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, depression, anxiety, fear and numbness particularly during childhood and adolescence and during certain milestones. Marriage, the birth of a new baby or the death of a birth or adopted parent can all trigger these mixed feelings in adoptees. Divorce can be a particularly difficult life event for adoptees, as it can trigger many of these mixed emotions as well as even deeper feelings of loss and abandonment.
Self-Esteem Issues
Adopted children often question their identity a great deal while growing up. They can feel separate and isolated from others around them if they, for example, have a different skin color from the people around them or have a different accent. Adoptees often wonder what social class, country and culture they truly belong to. The Gateway reports that adopted people often score lower on self-confidence and self-esteem measures, which may reflect the fact that some adoptees see themselves as different from, unwelcome or rejected by others.
References
- Child Welfare Information Gateway: Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons
- Borders, L. D., Penny, J. M., & Portnoy, F. (2000). Adult adoptees and their friends: Current functioning and psychosocial well-being. Family Relations, 49, 407-418.
- Sharma, A. R., McGue, M. K., & Benson, P. L. (1996). The emotional and behavioral adjustment of United States adopted adolescents: Part I. An overview. Children and Youth Services Review, 18(1/2), 83-100.
