Toilet training a stubborn child is as much about control of the relationship as control of the bladder. However, in his book "Toilet Training Persons with Developmental Disabilities: A Rapid Program for Day and Nighttime Independent Toileting," Richard Foxx reports that even children with severe mental retardation can be toilet trained successfully by the time they are 5 years old. By understanding your child's need to control the situation, and by using the stubbornness positively, you should be able to toilet train just about any child.
Child-Led Training
Stubborn children are more compliant if they can be in control of some of their decisions. Ask your child if he is ready to begin using the potty, and let him choose a potty chair and even where the potty chair will be placed. If your child tells you that he's not ready, don't react; just respond neutrally that you'll ask again later.
Reward Charts
Even very stubborn children will work for prizes. Ask your child what she would like to have or do, and make that a goal of successfully using the potty. A stubborn child will need to have both short-term and long-term goals. Something small, such as a pick from a prize chest, can be given after each successful use of the potty, and a larger item or trip to a favorite place can be the goal of a week or two of successful use, suggests Behavioral Analyst Mary Barbera at her website, the Verbal Behavior Approach.
Don't Clean Up Accidents
If your child insists on ignoring your requests to use the potty and has daytime accidents once he wears underpants, Keep Kids Healthy suggests having your child clean up those accidents. This may initially escalate the behavior, but use patience and calmly help your child clean up after himself. Do not put him back in diapers or pull-ups. Do not use this technique for nighttime accidents over which your child has little control.
Use Games
Create a game that will encourage your child to use the potty. Use your child's stubbornness and competitive spirit to encourage toilet training. Keep a running tally of how many times you successfully use the potty and how many time she successfully uses the potty. Winner gets a prize.
