If you know someone who is involved in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to know what to do. An abusive relationship does not need to involve physical violence in order to be classified as abusive. Verbal assault is also a form of abuse, as is intimidation, denying someone access to shared finances or the rights to see her children; these are just some of the many instances of abuse. Knowing whether to intervene or stand aside, whether to mind your own business or try to be a helpful friend is not an easy decision to make. Many factors are involved, whether it is a business acquaintance or a close friend who you've known perhaps for many years.
Helping Someone in an Abusive Relationship
Step 1
Inform yourself about the patterns that most commonly occur in abusive relationships. According to an article on abusive relationships by Stanford University, friends and family members will often recognize the signs of abuse before the individual in the relationship will. Someone involved in an abusive relationship usually uses denial as his main defense mechanism. He will insist that his spouse or partner loves him and doesn't mean to do what she is doing. He may even use self-blame, thinking that he has done something wrong to incite the abuse. Once you are informed about the behaviors people in abusive relationships use, you will be better prepared to intervene or provide further assistance.
Step 2
Educate yourself on available community resources for victims of domestic violence. Again, domestic violence is usually associated with physical assault, but this is just one of the many forms abuse can take in relationships. One of the resources available to victims and friends of those in abusive relationships is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can be reached at (800) 799-SAFE. This service is available 24/7 and can be accessed confidentially by anyone for further information and referral regarding abusive situations. They can also provide you with information on how and when to intervene in such a situation.
Step 3
Try to be as supportive as possible to your friend or family member during this experience--although it can seem scary. Offer to listen, and even if she is not yet ready to talk, it's important to put the offer out in the open. Many people involved in domestic violence situations feel ashamed of their situation and can be defensive, but don't be afraid to voice your concern. It's important that she knows you are being nonjudgmental and that you care about her safety. However, try to remember that as much as you want to help, you are not responsible for the situation, and you won't be able to save her. The person involved in the abusive relationship will need to decide for herself when enough is enough, and when to end the relationship.
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