Communication enables parents and children to express their thoughts and feelings with one another. Effective communication helps strengthen the parent-child relationship and increases mutual understanding. Conflict occurs when communicated messages are unclear and misunderstood. Expectations and inflexible thinking negatively impact a parent's communication skills. In order to resolve communication conflict in the relationship, a receptive and open-minded perspective must be maintained by both the parent and the child.
Types
There are several types of communication conflicts that exist in parent-child relationships. Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., author of the parenting book "The Explosive Child," describes these maladaptive communication patterns. When parents and children engage in "speculation" they draw false conclusions about one another's thoughts and intentions. "Overgeneralization" occurs when exaggerated conclusions are formed. Parents or children may dwell on worst-case scenarios when engaging in "catastrophizing." Parents should also avoid other types of ineffective communication, which include lecturing, criticizing, sarcasm, dishonesty, giving threats, and ignoring or minimizing the child's feelings.
Suggestions
There are many ways to increase positive communication with your child. The Center for Effective Parenting suggests setting aside time to talk with your child, speaking on your child's level, actively listening, opening up by sharing your feelings and ideas, asking open-ended questions, and answering your child's questions to the best of your ability.
Techniques
Active listening skills help achieve effective communication. As a parent you can increase your level of understanding by listening to what your child has to say and allowing yourself to see things from their perspective. Remember not to interrupt your child when he is speaking and give him your full attention. Using "I" statements when communicating with your child shows that you are accountable for your thoughts and feelings. If you say "you never clean up your mess," the child feels blamed and may respond defensively. Instead, you can say, "I would appreciate some help cleaning up." If you are discussing behavioral concerns it is useful to work collaboratively with your child set up a reward system to reinforce good behavior.
Examples
Learn conversational phrases that will help facilitate open communication between you and your child. "I would like to hear more about that" expresses that you are interested and encourages your child to share more information. Show your support by stating "I understand" to validate your child's thoughts and feelings. Increase the child's self-esteem with sincere words of encouragent, such as "Wow, that's interesting." Encourage your child's behavioral progress with praise: "I appreciate the way you..." and "You are improving at..."
Warnings
If a situation occurs that causes you to become angry with your child, remember to walk away and cool off before attempting to discuss it. Feelings of anger can hinder a parent's ability to communicate effectively. Disagreements that cause parent-child conflict can be resolved through collaborative problem-solving. Work with your child to come up with agreeable solutions and be willing compromise
References
- Parent/Child Communication
- "The Explosive Child"; Ross W. Green; 2005
- "Communicating in Relationships: A Guide for Couples and Professionals"; Frank D. Fincham, Leyan O.L. Fernandes, & Keith Humphreys; 1993
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