Growing up with siblings or going to school with people of the same age instills an innate sense of competitiveness in us. These relationships with others change as we age; the object of the competition transforms as we vie for the same job or we yearn for the same things in a relationship that someone else has. Jealousy can be a normal and healthy aspect of interpersonal interaction if it contributes to a productive outcome; if it's used to protect someone or something that is rightfully yours, jealousy is a natural response. Excessive jealousy, however, isn't a normal or constructive part of any relationship and often leads to the destruction of that which you intend to safeguard.
Competition
Jealousy manifests itself when you feel as though you're in competition with someone else over something that you value or desire. Competition can be a healthy part of life--it's what impels us to obtain successful careers and relationships--but competition can turn into unhealthy jealousy when the reasons are distorted or the motives are clearly unattainable. Harboring the desire for harm to come to others, sabotaging someone's relationship or defaming someone's name are all distinct signs of unhealthy jealousy.
Fear
Feeling jealous toward others is often a result of fear; fearing rejection or betrayal is a common cause of jealousy, especially if you've fallen victim to deception in the past. The more desperate you are to ward off the possibility of rejection, the more intense the jealousy becomes. Jealousy can be validated when there is a genuine threat that should be thwarted; yet fear of a nonexistent and unsubstantiated threat reveals itself in destructive jealousy that can ruin any relationship.
Insecurity
Experiencing jealousy often comes as a reaction to poor self-image or insecurity. Being secure in your physical appearance and your abilities may be difficult at times, and it's usually in these instances that we experience envy toward others. The more attachment you have for someone or something--a job, a friend or a relationship--the more tenaciously you fight for unadulterated possession of it. We often perceive a false degree of perfection in others' qualities because we aren't secure enough in our own abilities. Many times, we desire to possess what others have without taking our personal strengths and attributes into consideration; taking account of your own virtues can help you recognize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Member Comments