No marriage is immune to occasional conflict and discord--but cheating can be the nail in the proverbial coffin for many unions, shattering the promise of "til death do us part." And despite the pain and betrayal it yields, infidelity is not a rare act: According to the Kinsey Institute, between 15 and 35 percent of married men report involvement with a partner other than their spouse. Finding evidence of infidelity isn't always easy, especially if your husband is careful about covering his tracks, but recognizing an affair is necessary before taking steps to mend or end your marriage.
Step 1
Search for physical evidence of another woman in your husband's life--such as the scent of perfume on his clothing, female hair strands on his shirt, lipstick marks on his collar, condoms stashed in unusual places and garments of clothing that don't belong to anyone in your household. Tangible clues nearly always point to cheating and will be difficult for your husband to justify.
Step 2
Look for unexplainable changes in your husband's grooming habits and appearance, such as a new hairstyle, a revised wardrobe, a change in the style of underwear he purchases, new cologne, a new exercise program or more time spent "sprucing up" before work. Although aesthetic changes aren't always a symptom of infidelity, Divorce Head Quarters explains that cheating men frequently become more concerned with their appearance, and these changes are likely to accompany an affair.
Step 3
Monitor changes in your husband's attitude toward you, your family and your domestic life together. An unfaithful man may initially become more affectionate as a way to alleviate his guilt, then later become aloof, sexually disinterested or highly critical of you. If engaged in affair, your husband may also spend less time with your children, lose interest in house maintenance or yard work and forgo family activities he previously enjoyed.
Step 4
Observe your husband's spending habits and look for sudden changes in your family finances. Suspicious credit card charges--especially for hotel rooms, gifts you didn't receive and restaurant meals you weren't present for--can point to infidelity, particularly when your husband offers far-fetched explanations for the expenses.
Step 5
Pay attention to changes in your husband's daily routine. If he leaves for work earlier, returns home later, becomes difficult to contact during his time away from home, begins working on weekends or starts racking up more miles on his car, he may be allotting time to visit a mistress.
Step 6
Observe your husband's phone and computer activity. A cheating man may make repeated calls to numbers you don't recognize, become secretive or whisper while speaking on the phone in your presence, hide his phone or phone bills from you, delete all text messages from his phone or abruptly hang up when you enter the room. On the computer, dating sites may appear on his Internet history or he may completely clear his browsing history after each computer session. Late nights spent typing on the computer can also signify infidelity, especially if your husband is secretive about what he's working on or quickly exits a window when you walk by.
Step 7
Trust your hunches. If your intuition tells you something is awry with your husband's behavior and your relationship with him, you're probably right. Don't ignore strong gut feelings or turn a blind eye to suspicious activity.
Tips and Warnings
- If you choose to confront your husband about cheating, gather as many incriminating clues as possible before doing so. A log of evidence will make it harder for him to rationalize his behavior or blame you for being distrustful and suspicious. If your husband doesn't have a mobile phone, consider buying him one. Unlike landlines, mobile phones track every number dialed and make it possible to identify repeated calls to a mistress. Your husband's friends may be aware--and even supportive--of his affair, and may help him hide his actions by providing alibis for his time away from home.
- Although discovering an affair can incite strong emotions on your part--including extreme anger or rage--you should avoid acting violently toward your husband, including vandalizing his possessions or harming him physically. Such actions can earn you a criminal record or jail time, and will ultimately only worsen your situation. Avoid letting your husband know of your suspicions until you're confident he is cheating. If he becomes aware that you're on to him, he may become increasingly careful about hiding his actions and erasing his trail of evidence.
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