An affair can happen even in what are considered strong and happy marriages. The betrayal of trust when found out or confessed can substantially damage the union between husband and wife. Many couples separate or divorce following an episode of cheating, but other partners are able to recover and rebuild their marriages. There are some essential strategies that can be employed to have a successful marriage after infidelity.
Step 1
Engage in a heart-to-heart talk about the future of your marriage. Wait until both parties have had some time to think through what has happened. Pick a time when you are both calm and ready to talk. This will only be the first of your conversations as it will be important to maintain communication during this critical junction.
Step 2
Look at the affair honestly. Admit that you or your spouse was physically and perhaps emotionally attracted to another person and gave in to that attraction. Do not try to justify the affair by blaming it on faults exhibited by your partner. If you cheated, take full responsibility for your actions; and if you were cheated on, accept your partner betrayed your marital trust and do not make excuses for the behavior.
Step 3
Find a qualified marriage therapist to help you and your spouse resolve issues caused by the infidelity. Obtain references for counselors from family, friends or your medical caregivers.
Step 4
Work on identifying underlying problems that may have resulted in an affair. Talk together about it as well as journaling alone to help you determine what issues may have existed and may continue to be present. Consider what you argue about, what you complain to others about and what others see as difficulties in your relationship.
Step 5
Exhibit sensitivity to your partner's feelings. The person who was cheated on is likely to feel anger, hurt and bitterness while the person who cheated may be guilt ridden and ashamed. Do not discount these feelings, but allow the person to experience them without reproach.
Step 6
Determine you will continue to work on your marriage despite setbacks and the emergence of old feelings regarding the affair. Both partners must promise to make their union a priority and not give up on it even when doing so is extremely difficult.
Step 7
Practice forgiveness. If you were cheated on, it is important that you reach a point in which you can forgive your partner; and if you are the one who cheated, you need to be able to accept forgiveness so you may move on in your relationship.
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