While therapy and marriage counseling was once a taboo subject, more couples are turning to counseling in hopes of improving or saving their marriages. While it's easy to become resistant and even angry with your spouse during a marriage counseling session, learning to take responsibility for your actions and improve your communication skills can help you hold onto your temper while a mediator helps you along your way to a better, more fulfilling and happier marriage.
Making Counseling Work
Step 1
Be open to the concept of counseling and therapy, and be ready for a change. FamilyEducation.com notes that many couples still think that therapy is for "crazy people." If you enter the session already embarrassed that you have to be there, and annoyed at your spouse for making you come, you're likely to stay angry throughout the session, missing out on the opportunity the therapist is giving you. Go to your session with an open mind.
Step 2
Take responsibility for your actions in the deterioration of the marriage. It is a two-way street, and no one is completely innocent when the breakdown of a marriage occurs. Talk to the therapist about what you've done to hurt your marriage.
Step 3
Avoid pointing fingers at your spouse. The marriage therapist is not there to take sides so don't try to convince her that your spouse is the one at fault. Instead, learn to use "I" phrases when describing your feelings. Instead of telling your therapist, "He doesn't come home on time and he makes me mad," try, "I feel upset when he doesn't get home on time." Using the correct words can help you step back from the situation and recognize your anger for another emotion, such as fear, loneliness and sadness.
Step 4
Keep private matters private. Not all of your dirty laundry needs to be aired in your therapy session, and if there was an event that happened years ago that you know your spouse doesn't want to you to talk about, don't mention it to your therapist. Try not to drag things from the past or divulge private things. You could leave your session feeling hurt, angry and betrayed that your entire relationship is being picked apart by a stranger.
Step 5
Talk to your spouse in the session, not just your therapist. Learn to communicate and look for solutions together, rather than refusing to budge and driving a deeper wedge between you, notes Madeline L. Gleich, LCSW of the New York Psychotherapy Group. You are not at your session to learn to communicate with your therapist, but with your partner. Practice your speaking, listening and conflict management skills together.
