1. Adult ADD
Relating to another human being is a complex process. Understanding the essence of a person, communicating clearly and correctly receiving thoughts and feelings can be a complicated process, with or without attention deficit disorder (ADD). The individual with ADD may be highly sensitive and have a tendency to become over-stimulated. This can cause that person to become easily agitated and, at the same time, have limited awareness to how it is affecting those around him while also being sensitive to anger and tension in others. Problems with denial, whether it is organically based or purely psychological, are not uncommon. The patterns of denial can cause others who have relationships with this individual to feel highly confused. It may appear that this person tends to selectively forget things that he doesn't want to do or finds unpleasant, while having better memory for things that are appealing to him. This only serves to reinforce the perception that this person is unreliable. As a result, social isolation can occur resulting in depression, anxiety or other mental health concerns. As this happens, the person may loose faith in his ability to relate to others.
2. Social Skills 101
Many individuals who suffer with ADD can experience a multiplicity of psychosocial losses. The issues of denial, poor impulse control and difficulty in accurately assessing your own skills may lead you to misread social cues that might assist you in adjusting your behavior. Family members often take on the role of "cortical organizer." Most people with ADD have difficulty organizing themselves, their work and life if general, and this usually spills over into their intimate relationships. Learning to self-monitor is a necessary skills to experiencing social success. Denial of the weakness in this area of functioning, shame or embarrassment, and impulsive behavior may keep you from adjusting your behavior. Learning to accurately access areas in need of improvement can be uncomfortable, and leave you feeling vulnerable. Make sure you receive adequate support as you learn to change your behavior.
3. The Identity Within
Defining who we are as a person is a lifelong process, and it's probably the most complex task we will need to accomplish in life. As we grow, the demands in life increase because life is multi-phased and multi-dimensional. When people pair, the attempt to combine the multi-aspects of both lives can be turbulent at times. Through it all we want to remain authentic and genuine, while maintaining our integrity as a person. Being ourselves is the most important gift we have in life. Finding another person to relate to, who accepts you for your individuality takes time. Focus on being the best person you can be, and bring that person to the relationship.
4. Tips on Improving Communication Skills
-Look into the other person's eyes when talking.
-Listen while the other person is talking directly to you.
-Resist impulses to interrupt by being mindful of this behavior.
-Accept feedback without anger.
-Learn to accept criticism when given appropriately.
-Work on relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing.
-Try to stay emotionally present and available.
-Ask the person if you understood by repeating what you heard.
-Express your feelings openly and honestly with empathy and compassion.
-Show others that you care about them and respect the relationship.
-View yourself as you want others to view you and behave accordingly.
5. Avoiding Self-Medication
Many individuals with ADD struggle with the issue of self-medicating. This only makes things worse, especially if you are on prescription medications. For some, alcohol provides the feeling of social confidence. Again, this is an inaccurate perception of self. Other drugs, such as marijuana, are often described as "taking the edge off" by individuals with ADD. Unfortunately, this drug can complicate the cognitive picture and may add to related memory problems. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercise and working on improving social skills is a sound approach.
Having ADD does not affect intelligence levels, so you are capable of learning new skills and behaviors. We all have issues in life, and as far as issues go having ADD is not the worst problem in the world to have. Take good care of yourself, seek support and focus on forming healthy relationships that you will maintain through life.
