Aggressive behavior in young children may be caused by under-developed self-control skills or emotional and behavioral issues. For example, a child may hit another child because they have not yet learned to use her words to express her frustration. Or, a child might be confused and insecure about the arrival of a new sibling. The American Academy of Pediatrics reminds parents that it is more effective to positively reinforce desired behaviors and to teach children alternative behaviors than to threaten.
Teach Words Instead of Aggression
Young children need help learning to use words to express their emotions instead of hitting, yelling, biting or kicking. Reading child books about emotions will help her learn the vocabulary of emotions. When your child has an emotion, provide the words to describe it. For example, "I bet you were very angry when your brother grabbed your stuffed rabbit." Let your child overhear you describe your own emotions as well.
Provide Physical Activities
Children with aggressive tendencies need outlets for their energy. Be specific: rather than telling your child to go outside and play, have him race back and forth between two trees or jump on a trampoline. The more energy he expends in appropriate physical activities, the less he will express in negative behavior.
Replacement Behaviors
Teach your child specific replacement behaviors. Role play situations so your child can learn to walk away, stomp her feet, say she's mad or come ask you for help. The University of Michigan Health System suggests teaching your child to count backwards or pretend to blow bubbles when she starts to get mad. Help your child practice these replacement behaviors when she is calm and unstressed, not right after displaying aggressive behavior.
Positive Reinforcement
Encourage positive behavior by catching your child doing things the right way. Whenever your child walks away from a sibling instead of lashing out, comment about his good choice. If your child uses her words to tell a neighbor child how mad she is instead of hitting, give her a hug and compliment her.
Negative Consequences
If aggressive behaviors occur, in spite of teaching, guidance and positive reinforcement, negative consequence should be imposed. For young children, consequences for negative behavior might include a short timeout or the ending of a play session. Use a calm voice and very few words to tell your child, "Hitting is not appropriate. You need to go to timeout." After the timeout, briefly ask your child how he might have handled that situation using words instead of aggressive actions.
