5 Ways to Improve Dating Skills

1. Relax

The biggest impediment to perfecting your dating skills is the amount of pressure you place on yourself. Each date becomes a make-or-break proposition, and you feel like everything you say or do is scrutinized for the tiniest little flaw. That anxiety ironically adds to the very impression you're trying to avoid. Be casual. Think about it less as a date and just as a chat with someone nice. Stick to low-key activities for the first few dates, such as lunch at a lightweight restaurant, meeting for coffee or in a quiet bar, going to a movie or the like. Stay away from fancy-dress occasions or overly romantic restaurants. Keep the conversation light and optimistic; avoid hot-button topics like religion and politics, at least in the early stages, and focus on career, family, hobbies, and items of mutual interest. Don't worry about making a good impression. Just talk like you would to a friend and let what happens next take care of itself. And if it doesn't seem to work, don't beat yourself up over it. Dating takes time before finding someone who may be compatible.

2. Learn to Pace Yourself

If the first date goes well, there may be an urge to press the advantage--send flowers, call them up every hour, tell him how much you like him and schedule a second (or third or fourth) date as soon as possible. That often comes across as overly eager and can quickly destroy any progress you've made. Usually, a quick note or phone call after a first date is sufficient, telling him how much you enjoyed the previous evening and that you're like to do it again sometime. Wait a few days before contacting him again, and select a flexible time for a second date. While you can make subsequent dates more interesting and creative (an amusement park, a wine-tasting, a hike in a nearby nature preserve or the like), you shouldn't push too hard down the romance path. If chemistry and attraction continues to develop, you'll know when to start making more serious advances.

3. Be Honest

No, this doesn't mean confessing about that one time in gym class when they pulled down your shorts and everyone laughed. But it does mean knowing yourself and having confidence that you are someone worth getting to know better. Refrain from undue boasting or fabricating experiences to make yourself "more interesting." Focus on things you enjoy and feel comfortable talking about. Don't be afraid to mention that you might be a little nervous or shy during the date. The more open you can be, the more readily your date will be able to connect with you and the more your skills will improve.

4. Monitor Your Body Language

Body languages is very important during a date. Be aware of the signals your date is sending off and the signals you may be sending her. Always look your date in the eye and don't let your gaze wander. Don't slouch or shuffle your hands; it suggests that you don't want to be there. Smile and project a sense of optimism, which will help your date warm up to you.

5. Practice Makes Perfect

Like any other skill, dating takes time and effort to master. While you shouldn't refer to any date as a "practice run," give yourself permission to go on a number of dates with a number of different people. The more you do, the more you'll improve.