Jealousy can be a very uncomfortable, frustrating and even devastating experience. According to Psychology Today, jealousy is frequently experienced as a "painful, 'crazy' feeling" and is accompanied by a sense of lost control. HowStuffWorks.com describes jealousy as "one of the most common and unsettling" human emotions. In short, everyone experiences jealousy, and it isn't much fun. The good news is that you can take a few simple steps to make progress toward reclaiming control of your emotions and bettering your situation to fend off jealous impulses.
Envy and Unfairness
Step 1
Philosophers have pondered the question of fairness for centuries. The question of what is fair is at the center of human ethics and morality, and thinkers have long strained their mental capacities to discover the best way a society should be arranged to make things fairest. Jealousy is generally defined as an envious desire to have what another person has. If you're feeling jealous about something, you should first try to figure out whether you think you've been treated unfairly, or whether you're simply envious because you didn't get what you wanted. Unfortunately, even if you really did deserve whatever you're envious of (that is, even if it would have been more fair for you to get that promotion or bonus or even that date with someone you're enamored with), there may be nothing you can do about it. If you think you've been treated unfairly, you may want to discuss the situation with whoever is in a position of authority to change what happened. So if you really think you're the better candidate for the job, politely talk to the boss and discuss the situation. If you really think your might be a better romantic partner with someone you've had your eye on, tactfully express your feelings to that person. Be assertive and sensible.
Step 2
Don't beat yourself up for being jealous. Understand that everybody experiences jealousy every now and again. Allow yourself to feel and to be human, then try to do whatever you can to move yourself toward a situation in which your needs are met so you don't have to feel jealous.
Step 3
Give yourself time. Trying to force yourself out of feeling envious generally won't work and can even make the problem worse. Take steps to improve your situation and get what you want.
Step 4
In certain situations, you simply won't be able to get exactly what you want. Assess the situation by asking questions and doing research. If you're fighting a losing battle, you may want to cut your losses and channel your energies into more emotionally, economically or creatively fruitful pursuits.
Step 5
On a broader level, if you're invested in the notion of improving the world not only for yourself but for others, and if you see unfairness in the society around you, think about it and try to develop ways to make things better. Sometimes investing yourself in the prospect of theorizing or producing a better world can relieve jealousy, and if you do it right, you might even make the world a better place! So, if you have the time, pick up a book about ethics. Learn about philosophy and psychology.
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