Jealousy is as natural an emotion as anger, happiness, sadness and love. Everyone experiences jealousy from time to time. If someone has something you would like to have, it is normal to envy him a little for it. Unchecked, however, jealousy has the power to damage your relationships with friends, co-workers and loved ones by breeding fear, self-doubt and resentment. If you're struggling with extreme feelings of jealousy, you need to work to overcome them. It is a self-defeating emotion if you're allowing it to interfere with the quality of your life.
Step 1
Acknowledge your feelings. If you see or hear something that triggers a jealous response, such as your boyfriend talking to his ex-girlfriend, admit to yourself that what you're feeling is jealousy. Do not try mask it as another emotion, such as anger or betrayal, or try to blame your partner for your reaction. Own your feelings.
Step 2
Analyze what you're feeling objectively to determine if your reaction is reasonable. Jealousy is frequently a knee-jerk reaction to a situation that you find threatening, but is often unjustified and only ends up alienating the people you love. Taking a moment to stop and think about your feelings calmly and rationally may help defuse your bad feelings and keep the situation from escalating into something that will likely embarrass both you and your partner or hurt your relationship.
Step 3
Work to understand the reasons behind your jealous outbursts. Jealousy is often tied to insecurity. Perhaps you've had a bad relationship in the past or you've experienced a betrayal that has made it difficult for you to trust people. If you've been hurt before, it is understandable that you would want to protect yourself from being hurt again. However, attempting to control another person with jealous accusations because you are feeling insecure is both selfish and unfair. In the end, you will only drive away the person you're trying to hold on to.
Step 4
Redirect your feelings. Mentally coach yourself to remain calm. Remind yourself that jealousy is a feeling that can be managed with a little effort. Focus your attention on something other than the object of jealousy, even if it's something as menial as counting to 10.
Step 5
Talk over your feelings with your partner, friend or loved one in an appropriate setting. Be up front about your jealousy. Discuss any triggers or past experiences that you feel have contributed to it. You need to confront the problem openly and honestly if you are to overcome it.
Tips and Warnings
- Be patient with yourself; conquering jealousy will take time and practice. Don't compare yourself to other people. Focus on your good qualities; do not obsess about your short-comings. Consider seeing a counselor if you feel like your jealousy is consuming you.
- Exploring the causes behind your jealousy might be painful for you; make sure you have a good support system.
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