Psychiatrist John Bowlby outlined several phases of the grief response based on observations of his clients. As a result, when someone is grieving he is likely to begin the process in shock and disbelief. Despair and disorganization make it difficult for many to get "back on track." As a result, it is not uncommon for those who are grieving to struggle with interpersonal relationships and perform a natural daily routine. Basics of grief counseling are recommended for those who are grieving a loss or working with someone who is undergoing the process of bereavement.
Take Your Time
Do not try to "get over it." There are no set time lines for when the process of grieving should end. Avoid those who suggest the opposite as they are not acting in an informative way or providing a supportive role.
According to Silverman and Klass, traditional wisdom often viewed grief as a gradual process of "bereavement" with a focus on severing a bond with the deceased. However, perspectives on bereavement in Western cultures began to view the process differently in the latter half of the 20th century. According to Bonanno and Kaltman, "We cannot look at bereavement as a psychological state that ends and from which one recovers. The intensity of feelings may lessen ... [but] while the death is permanent and unchanging, the process is not."
Explore Healthy Ways to Grieve
If grieving is a continuous process, the person dealing with a loss should know that her psychological state is normal under the circumstances. Persons within and across cultures may grieve in different ways. The process is not a "one size fits all" mode of coping. Some may find writing in a journal or creating a scrapbook as therapeutic. Others may visit a graveside or find comfort in prayer or meditation.
Do Not Isolate
It is common for people to avoid others when they are feeling sad. However, social isolation can actually increase feelings of depression. Social support can actually serve as a buffer for stress by providing a nurturing atmosphere for grieving.
Avoid Alcohol and Drugs
The use of alcohol and other drugs does not help the grieving process. Many people try to "numb" their grief with substances. However, the temporary relief provided by alcohol and drugs will likely prolong the depression and disorganization.
Get Back to a Normal Routine
Give yourself permission to go back to your routine. Some may feel guilt surrounding the return to work or other daily responsibilities. While you may want to work a few minutes into each day to grieve, it is important to strive for regaining a sense of structure and predictability.
References
- "Attachment and Loss"; J. Bowlby; 1980
- "Continuing Bonds: New Understandings of Grief"; P. Silverman and D. Klass; 1996
- "The Grief Recovery Handbook"; J. James and R. Freidman; 1998
- "Psychological Bulletin, Vol. 125"; Toward an integrative perspective on bereavement; G. Bonanno and S. Kaltman; 1999
