Family harmony provides a sense of belonging and a feeling of security unlike many other types of relationships. When conflict arises, it threatens that security. Whether the disharmony initiates from within the family unit or from external sources, individual family members and the family as a whole can experience a range of negative emotions and consequences. Unresolved conflict may irreparably damage a marriage and the entire family if family members do not seek help.
Finances and Jobs
One major source of family conflict is within the area of finances--specifically, the lack of enough money to pay bills, maintain the mortgage or rent, buy sufficient food and other necessities and have any remaining money for recreation. Similarly, disagreements may spring from determining what bills to pay, how much to pay for certain items or how to invest money.
A job or career, the main source of a family's finances, may contribute to conflict within a family. If a parent's job keeps him away from home most of the time, the spouse at home with the children often feels neglected or overwhelmed. If both parents work, the children may suffer from lack of parental bonding and involvement. Conversely, if the parent becomes unemployed, this causes its own form of stress and conflict, as finances dwindle and uncertainty sets in about the future.
Sibling Rivalry
Another cause of family conflict is the inevitable rivalry that occurs between siblings. Children typically seek their parents' attention and approval, even if this requires tattling on, or sometimes causing harm to, a sibling. Whether a child expresses jealousy of her sibling, competes with him or teases him non-stop, it is destined to cause conflict. Each child deserves an equal amount of parental love and acceptance, yet sometimes a parent may favor one child over another. This merely intensifies the conflict.
Child Discipline and Parent-Child Rivalry
While mutual agreement on the subject of child discipline is crucial, the lack of consensus opens up another potential area for family conflict. If one parent acts as the "disciplinarian," the other parent typically becomes the "consoler" to whom the children turn; this often pits one parent against the other. It normally degenerates into a "Daddy said" vs. "Mommy said" type of situation. Similarly, in the case of disciplining teenagers, a "parents vs. teens" scenario frequently erupts, when teens disagree--often vehemently--with the rules that parents set in place.
A battle of the wills ensues, setting up a parent-child rivalry. A dangerous variation of this conflict occurs if either or both parents become abusive towards the children under the guise of discipline. Likewise, as teens become bigger, stronger and more confrontational, they may abuse parents or younger siblings. Of course, alcohol or drug use by either parents or teens only exacerbates this type of conflict.
In-Laws and Extended Family
Jokes and movies abound regarding conflict with in-laws (especially mothers-in-law); however, when you actually become involved in disagreements with your in-laws or extended family, it is no laughing matter. While it is preferable to respect your elders--parents and grandparents on both sides equally--this can prove to be challenging. If relatives routinely interfere in your family's decisions and lifestyle, conflict frequently results.
References
- Marriage and Family Encyclopedia: Conflict - Couple Relationships, Family Relationships, Parent-Child Relationships
- The Conflict Resolution Information Source: Family Conflict
- Utah Marriage: Making Cents: Money Matters Can Be a Major Source of Conflict
- Help Guide.org: Job Loss and Unemployment Stress
- Help Guide.org: Child Abuse and Neglect
