1. Recognize Mistreatment
Many people believe that the only destructive relationships entail physical abusiveness or threats, but destructive relationships can entail all sorts of demeaning behavior on the part of your significant other. Constant criticism, negativity and belittlement of your feelings can demonstrate that things are not right. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness are further signs of an unhealthy situation, as are refusing to discuss problems or side-stepping them through emotional manipulation. The best way to spot a destructive relationship is simply to ask yourself how it makes you feel. If the answer is something like "frustrated," "unappreciated" or "afraid," it's time to end it.
2. Give Yourself Credit
Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, and if your partner isn't doing that, then you need to end the relationship. Be honest with yourself, and ask whether you are avoiding a break-up because you are afraid of the consequences. Your friends and family can be good barometers of your emotional health in such situations. If they tell you that you seem down more often than you used to, that your self-esteem has suffered or that you are constantly defending your partner's actions, then you owe it to yourself to break off the relationship and start something new.
3. Rehearse What You Are Going to Say and Do
It helps to practice whatever you wish to say to your partner before you end the relationship. It lets you stay strong in the face of his or her response. Stick to your plan and do not deviate from it no matter what he or she might say or do. Don't let yourself be taken in by cajoling, threats or belittlement. In particularly abusive cases, any kind of confrontation is a bad idea. Simply leave, without feeling guilty or ashamed, and don't look back.
4. Get to Somewhere Safe
Find someplace that your ex-partner doesn't know about, either the home of a friend or a family member or a women's shelter if you have nowhere else to go. Make sure it's somewhere where someone you trust can run interference for you and prevent your ex from intruding. Don't worry about possessions or anything you may have left behind and don't let your ex know where you can be reached.
5. Break Off All Contact
Once the relationship is over, you need time to mourn and begin your life again. A strong "no contact" policy is a good way to do that. Change your email addresses and phone numbers. Do not respond to calls, letters, text messages or emails. Screen your calls and have someone else run interference if your ex shows up at the door. Inform people at your workplace that your relationship is over and that your ex should not be allowed near you. Resist the urge to contact him, no matter how tempting it may be. In serious cases, you may need to file a restraining order or seek the protection of the courts. Do whatever it takes to cut him out of your life.
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