Generations ago, there was an unspoken requirement of potty training by 18 months to be considered a successful parent. However, potty training was replaced with mommy training, as she was the one trained to rush baby to the toilet once an hour and after meals. Pediatrician William Sears eases contemporary standards by explaining that with lack of muscle maturation until 18 to 24 months, successful potty training occurs at 2 to 3 years old.
Helpful Starters
Rather than expecting potty training to occur overnight (which it will not), parents can slowly introduce the idea of the potty as a fun idea starting as early as a year. Children love to imitate their parents; moms and dads are encouraged to allow baby to follow them into the potty and make the conversation exciting. ("Mommy has to go pee-pee so she's going to sit on the potty. Yay, mommy pottied! I feel so much better; now I'm going to wash my hands.") Children's potty books are a fun way to show pictures and talk about other kids going potty, and introduce the places and names of the genitals. Taking baby to the store to pick out a new potty is fun without pressure, and allowing her to take her teddy to the potty eases her into the idea of her trying it. Sears reminds parents, "As with eating and sleeping, you can't and shouldn't force a baby to be dry or clean, but you can set the conditions that help baby train himself."
Signs of Readiness
Before throwing out the diapers, parents need to watch for signs of readiness from about 20 to 30 months; although it is tempting to want an early start, the "Parents Book of Toilet Teaching" states "no matter when they start, children usually end up achieving control at about the same age." Signs of readiness include baby pausing play, going to a corner, and/or making grunting noises during bowel movements, and also pulling at her diaper to indicate already having gone. This shows baby is aware of the action and will soon be able to connect the internal feelings (need to go) with the external feelings (satisfied from going). Most babies will start to have dry diapers for an hour or more, and some stay dry during nap showing a maturing bladder able to hold urine for long periods of time. Potty training should start slowly; when parents recognize their child's "need to go" signs like holding themselves with their hand or dancing around, they can rush them to the potty to help them experience the relief and joy of going in the potty.
Positive Reinforcement
The most important part of potty training is not to rush it and always provide positive reinforcement like praise and hugs when kids use the potty. Sears warns, "There is no place for punishment in toilet training, just as you wouldn't scold the beginning walker for tripping...serious long-term emotional problems can result from angry scolding." Some parents choose to offer candy or stickers for using the potty, and while bribery serves its purpose in parenting, offering candy for potty can be a slippery slope. It gives kids ulterior motives for using the bathroom; when the candy stops, as it will eventually have to, kids may stop using the potty because of the formed association. A helpful tool in potty training is a sense of humor and an endless supply of patience. There is no race to be trained; kids have to first understand the sensation, learn to "hold it," rush to the potty, undress themselves, situate comfortably on the potty, and then release. It's a lot to learn; parents should keep in mind the large task to be accomplished and provide time, patience, love and understanding.
