An abusive spouse will use fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to gain control, according to the website HelpGuide.org. He may also threaten you with physical abuse and violence toward those close to you. The main motivation behind most kinds of abusive behavior is to exert control. A man may abuse his wife because he feels insecure, or unaccomplished. By controlling someone else, he feels a sense of power that he is unable to achieve in a healthy way outside of the home.
Jealousy
An abusive husband may say early in your relationship that his jealousy is a sign of his love. An abnormal and unhealthy behavior, he may begin asking how you spend your time apart, who you talk to at work, or what you do when you're out with family or friends. He may begin calling you throughout the day to check on where you are and whom you're with. At its extreme, he could start checking the mileage on your car or putting restrictions on who you can see and talk to. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and the goal is to control the other person.
Codependence
A codependent husband may have extraordinarily high, even impossible, expectations of you. He may expect you to be the "perfect" spouse, mother, or lover. When you can't live up to his expectations, he may get angry and threaten to harm you or himself if you don't treat him the way he thinks he deserves to be treated. He may put himself in unsafe situations to test how you will react and often accuse you of not loving him enough.
Blame
Hidden Hurt, an abuse information and support site, says, "Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem." A mentally abusive husband will find fault in everything you do, from how you run the house to how you dress. He'll even blame you for his problems or mood, saying that it's your fault he's so angry, or it's your fault that something wrong happened in his life. If he was late for work, he may blame you for not waking him up, or for making him oversleep because you were restless during the night.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is the most common form of mental abuse. A person who loves you would never intentionally say things to hurt your feelings. A verbally abusive husband says hurtful and cruel things---sometimes in the company of others. To feel powerful, he'll put you down in front of his friends. Another aspect of verbal abuse is telling the abused that no one will ever love them, or they don't deserve to be loved.
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