The American Bar Association's Commission on Domestic Violence reports that about 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted in an intimate relationship annually in the United States. Often, physical abuse starts as verbal abuse. What is most insidious about this form of abuse is that it's typically hidden from view. Abusers can be very charismatic and charming---even after they begin abusing. They use manipulation to convince their partner that leaving will be a mistake or it will make her a bad person.
Blamer
The magazine Psychology Today indicates that blaming is one of the top signs of a verbally abusive relationship. A person who blames others for his own negative feelings and bad luck is unwilling to take responsibility. The first signs to appear may be accusing his previous girlfriend of being greedy, self-centered or paranoid. In a sense, he's attempting to bait you into believing that you could change his luck with relationships. But this is a pattern for verbally abusive people. Soon, that blame will retrain itself on the new girlfriend. Blamers typically abuse the people closest to them. Feeling like a victim in life, a verbally abusive person finds justification in retaliation and mistreatment.
Criticism
Often, criticized partners don't even realize that they're being verbally abused. An abusive partner uses criticism to elevate her status in her own mind. She'll berate you for how you cook, drive, or even look at other people. Criticizing a person in public is another sign of verbal abuse. By criticizing you in public, the abuser is working on making you believe that what she says about you, like you're worthless, ugly or unlikeable, is true and that you're lucky to have someone like the abuser who can tolerate being around you.
Cycles
Another telltale sign of abuse is the chronic cycle. After a bad outburst, the abuser may feel sorry or guilty. HelpGuide.org reports, "He's more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior." A honeymoon period of him acting well-behaved may last for several weeks or months, but inevitably he'll go back to his abusive ways---and blame the victim for making him angry. Very few abusers change if they don't have to.
Your Behavior
Finally, your own behavior could be indicative of being in a verbally abusive relationship. If you find yourself expressing your opinions less often, careful of what you say, making excuses for your partner, feeling unsafe, or often hope that things will change because of how your spouse talks to you, it's likely you are in an unhealthy, verbally abusive relationship.
Member Comments