Your older child had no trouble learning to use the toilet. In fact, she was excited to get her first "big kid" underwear and decorate her new potty chair. Your second child has always been more stubborn, and his strong personality is becoming more evident as you try to potty train him. Chances are, you're running across problems that are common among many parents of willful children.
Child Won't Use the Toilet at All
As enthusiastic as you have been in trying to excite your child about the prospect of using a potty, she still refuses to go. BabyCenter says that one main cause of this refusal could be that she is afraid of the big toilet's size and sounds. If you haven't yet invested in getting your child her own toddler-sized potty chair, try taking her to the store with you to pick out one that she likes. Let her get acquainted with it; if she wants to draw on it, carry it around the house and play with it, she may be less fearful of it. Also show her how her favorite doll sits on the potty. If she still shows no interest, she may just not be ready. Even if she seems old enough to use the potty, she may be struggling with a new change such as a new sibling or a new house; wait until a routine is established before you try again.
Child Refuses to Go in Some Places
Some tots will go at home but not at day care, or vice versa. If your child refuses to go at day care, he may have a problem with the day care's potty routine---its larger toilet, using the toilet in front of other kids, asking a non-parent for help---and may do better if you let him use his own potty in privacy. Alternately, if he has trouble using the potty at home but he freely uses it at day care, he may be more enthusiastic about "going" if he isn't the only child using the potty.
Child Refuses to Have Bowel Movement in Potty
According to "A Healthy Me!", an online parenting resource by the Blue Cross Blue Shield of Massachusetts, it is common for young children to resist using the potty for bowel movements. Your child may withhold his bowel movements because he was once scolded---or saw another child getting scolded--for having a bowel movement accident at day care or preschool. He may also be afraid of making a mess. If he regularly holds in his bowel movements, he could become constipated and have pain when trying to go. Try to ease his trouble by feeding him plenty of fiber-rich foods such as broccoli and whole grains; also record the times of his bowel movements and take him to the potty around these times.
Potty Training Turns Into a Battle of Wills
Even if your child is slightly interested in using the potty, if she is typically willful she may eventually refuse to go simply because she doesn't want you to have your way. "A Healthy Me!" likens the potty training challenge to bedtime struggles; your child wants to have some power over her own life. Because your child is ultimately the only one who can go in the potty, you may want to hold back the pressure so she can make her own decision on her own accord. Some ways to back off include stopping the reminders to go, not requiring her to sit on the potty for extended periods, not making a big deal about accidents, and rewarding positive potty interest with positive attention and rewards.
