Tweens, kids about the ages of 8 to 12, have a lot of drama in life under the best of circumstances. Toss a divorce into the mix, and tweens may experience a lot of stress and emotional angst. About 40 percent of kids in America have divorced parents, notes the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Many of them adjust well to the changes in the family. However, "20 to 25 percent of children have trouble dealing with their parents' divorce," notes HHS. Some tweens begin to show behavioral problems after a divorce. Tweens have a lot of their own issues handling impending adolescence.
Step 1
Provide stability and establish routines for the tween after the divorce. Change is hard for tweens. Give them some comfort in knowing the new routines of family life after the divorce. Each parent should hold regular dinners at home for tweens to have a place to gather with family and talk and bond.
Step 2
Set up a counseling appointment if a tween is acting out after the divorce, or if school grades are plummeting. Monitor the tween's academic progress closely. Flunking classes is a classic tween behavior during major family changes like a divorce. While normally a tween might be able to eke through a difficult subject, during the turbulence of a divorce a tween may not make the effort to ensure a passing grade. Letting the school and teachers know what is going on in the student's life during a divorce may help kids get some extra academic support at school.
Step 3
Give the tween something to look forward to. Start planning some activities or a vacation for the summer months. Tweens may fall into a funk after a divorce. Thus ask the tween what activities they would like to do that summer and start making plans.
Step 4
Discuss sexuality with tweens. Kids are becoming sexual at ever younger ages. It is not unheard of for middle school students to be experimenting with sex. Some tweens go looking for love during or after their parents' divorce. They may be in need of comfort, or they may wish to try to do the love thing right themselves rather than grappling with the emotional pain their parents' divorce has forced onto their life. Promiscuity is often a symptom that a tween is in distress about a divorce or some other issue.
Step 5
Speak about the dangers of drugs to tweens. Kids today are growing up fast. Tweens can easily get access to drugs and booze via friends or via dealers at school. Some tweens may self-medicate with alcohol or drug abuse during or after their parents' divorce. They try to block the emotional pain they have via getting high or drunk. Thus, speak to tweens about the hazards of drugs and alcohol to help them avoid the dangerous situation of overuse of substances to get through a tough time.
Step 6
Get the tween a journal to write in. Writing is very therapeutic for tweens. They may feel more comfortable telling their problems to the journal than to their parents or peers. A gift of a journal also gives a tween a feeling that someone acknowledges them and their stress.
Step 7
Talk to a tween who is reaching out for attention via changes in appearance. This may be a symptom a tween is overwhelmed and feeling different from peers. If the tween's close friends do not have divorced parents, the child may feel isolated. When a tween feels different from others, he or she may start to change his or her look as a way of expressing emotional pain. A tween may change a hairstyle or hair color, or may start to dress in a different way that attracts attention. Sometimes a tween may make major changes to appearance in a non-subtle way to annoy a parent.
Step 8
Discuss the new "attitude" a tween has developed if it seems linked to self-destructive behavior. Tweens may adopt an "I don't care" attitude in reaction to divorce. Tweens hide behind a mask of indifference too often. They act like the divorce does not impact them rather than discussing their feelings with friends, siblings or parents.
Step 9
Set and monitor a strict bedtime for tweens. Tweens are at their best when they are well-rested. A divorce may leave kids agitated and moody. Thus, sleep is essential to rejuvenate their spirits and their bodies. Help tweens maintain a strong sleep schedule by keeping their bedrooms free of technology. Don't have a TV or computer in the bedroom. Keep those items in a family room. Let the tween know the bedroom is for sleeping. Reinforce that getting enough sleep is essential to good health.
Tips and Warnings
- Be patient with tweens who are handling the divorce of parents. Set firm guidelines for the behavior of tweens once parents establish their own homes.
- Seek help from a doctor or therapist if a tween's behavior is dangerous or self-destructive.
Things You'll Need
- Writing journal
