Abusive relationships usually build and become more dangerous over time. One partner may start to control where the other person can go, who she can spend time with and what she can wear outside the house. Friends might pick up on signs of an abusive relationship before the person in the relationship does because the person in the relationship may feel that her partner acts the way that he does due to love.
Step 1
Learn about options that your friend may have before you talk to her about her relationship. You don't want to tell her that she's in an abusive relationship and then have no idea what she can do about it. Some options include seeking professional help from a therapist, going to the local women's shelter or calling the national domestic abuse hot line at 1-800-799-7233 for support.
Step 2
Prepare yourself that your friend might not want your help. She might not be ready to leave her relationship, and if she's not ready, you can't make her. In fact, it could ruin your relationship if you try to force her to do something that she doesn't want to. If you're not prepared for that reaction, you should wait until you are confident you can support your friend no matter what her decision is.
Step 3
Pick a safe location to talk. Don't bring up your friend's abusive relationship in a crowded coffee shop or at your friend's house with his wife upstairs.
Step 4
Use "I" statements when you bring up her relationship. For example, you could say, "I'm worried for your safety, because your husband seems to get angry easily." Let her know your specific concerns. If she seems open to talking about her relationship, let her know that you're glad that she can confide in you.
Step 5
Develop a safety plan with your friend. Come up with a code word that she could use with you if she's in danger. She could text you the code word or call you and say the code word. Also, help her determine a safe place she could go if needed such as a local women's shelter. A mental health professional could help you devise a safety plan; however, many abusive partners refuse to allow their partners to go to counseling.
Step 6
Help your friend set up an emergency fund if it's possible. Many women don't leave their abusive partners because they can't financially support themselves or their children if they leave. Women in abusive relationships have to be careful when keeping secrets because if their partners find out, they may become angry and violent.
Tips and Warnings
- Don't let your personal feelings about your friend's partner get in the way. You don't want to say things about your friend's partner that are your opinions such as, "He's a jerk." Instead, stick to facts when you're talking to your friend.
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