Friendship is fundamental to the human experience. This said, it can be difficult to meet new people, and more importantly, it can be difficult to meet the right new people and make new close friends. According to a 2006 American Sociological Review study noted in USA Today, "Americans have a third fewer close friends and confidants than just two decades ago." Maybe you've moved to a new city or maybe your old friends have moved away. Maybe you've been a loner for a while but you'd like to build some new friendships. Whatever the case, you can follow these steps to make developing new close friendships a little bit easier.
Step 1
Learn to be alone. The idea that becoming an expert at enjoying solitude may at first seem counter-intuitive, but people tend to respect and gravitate toward those who are self-sufficient. First and foremost, you should develop yourself. Pursue your own ideas and projects. Learn about the things that spark your interest. The more you cultivate your own existence and personality, the more others will want to find out what you're all about. The more you can offer others, the easier it will become to get to know new friends.
Step 2
Don't feel socially over-obligated. According to Slovenian philosopher and psychoanalyst Slavoj Žižek, "things which once seemed self-evident--how to feed and educate a child, how to proceed in sexual seduction, how and what to eat, how to relax and amuse oneself--have now been 'colonized' by reflexivity, and are experienced as something to be learned and decided on." As a result, Žižek argues, people have in recent years come to feel obligated to enjoy themselves and have fulfilling lives. The problem with this is, of course, that it's actually quite difficult to enjoy something one feels obligated to do. Don't feel obligated to make new friends. Instead, learn to not feel obligated to enjoy, and you'll find yourself enjoying things more spontaneously.
Step 3
Practice your social skills. Once you've gotten used to cultivating your own personality and not feeling obliged to enjoy yourself, you can work on developing your conversational and interaction skills. Whenever you're in a public situation where you're already talking to someone, try to strike up a conversation. Baristas and bartenders, for instance, are generally interested in talking to those who frequent the establishments they work in. Start with brief conversations. If your interlocutor seems to be losing interest, then tactfully finish the conversation and go about your business.
Step 4
Give yourself time. Making close friends is, by definition, generally not something that happens overnight. It takes time to build trust, so don't be in a hurry. When somebody seems open to interesting, personal conversation, don't miss out on your moment, but never try to force a friendship's development into overdrive for expediency's sake.
Step 5
Make yourself a regular somewhere. Join a club where you might meet people who are interested in what you're interested in. If you're an avid basketball player, join a local league. If you're a reader, join a book club. If you don't have time for a regularly scheduled activity, just show up once a week at a coffeeshop or bar you like. If you're around the same people regularly, you'll have plenty of time to talk to them, and they'll even likely try to get to know you.
Step 6
Meet people through the Internet. Increasingly, people are meeting one another on the Internet. Local events where strangers meet to get to know one another are frequently organized through websites like Couchsurfing.com. Free Internet dating sites like Okcupid.com not only facilitate meetings between potential romantic partners, but also allow new friends to meet. It's surprising how easily you can find people with similar interests online.
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