1. It's Never Easy
Unless you have an extremely amicable divorce, you should expect many of your discussions about child visitation to be tense and stressful. Even when issues about the house, retirement funds and insurance move along smoothly, it can often get rough when it comes to the children. Many newly divorced people find that logic fails and emotions take over completely. When you have children, there are more than two people in a divorce. For the sake of your kids, make an effort to remain calm.
2. Electronic Communication
Use the power of today's technology for creative communication with your former spouse. Try communicating by email. Unlike a telephone call, email puts a safe distance between the two of you. State facts and ask questions without emotion. Keep your email short and to the point. Don't rehash the past or lecture your ex, and don't send the email right away. If it's a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow. Don't hastily send a message you'll regret. An online calendar you both post events to can lessen the strain. If you have older children, they can access the calendar too.
3. Kids First
Let the other parent know that you are going to put the interests of the children first. Don't make your child miss an important event with the other parent simply because the official parenting plan says it's your weekend. Your children are not weapons for you to use in a war on your ex. Even if your former spouse is irresponsible and disrespectful, you need to find a way to work things out in a civil and reasonable manner.
4. Try a Different Perspective
As difficult as it may be, try seeing things from the other spouse's perspective. Chances are that deep down he wants the kids to be happy as much as you do. Remember that if your life is different now, so is his. If you can learn to consider the visitation situation from his point of view, you'll be better able to develop solutions that will satisfy both of you.
5. Get Professional Help
If the two of you simply cannot work out child visitation, enlist the help of a professional mediator. This could be an attorney, a psychologist or other licensed professional who is trained to help high-conflict parents work through issues. But don't use your children as an excuse to attack the other parent. Your anger will filter down to the children, even when they are very young. Never speak ill of your former spouse in front of the kids. Divorce is difficult enough for children without the added burden of feeling they must choose between their parents. A professional mediator can help both of you make wise decisions when it comes to visitation and other important child-related issues. Ask your attorney for a few recommendations. If the situation becomes too laden with conflict, the court may appoint a mediator.
