The quality of the relationships we have with other people is linked directly to how well we communicate with one another. In order to have a close and supportive relationship with your family, good communication with your spouse and your children should be one of your top priorities. The reward of having a family who feels heard and supported is well worth the time, effort and patience you will invest in acquiring effective communication skills.
Step 1
Be an attentive listener. If your spouse needs to speak with you, give her your undivided attention. It is almost impossible to really listen to another person if your mind is somewhere else, and your spouse will know that she is not being heard. This sends the message that she is not really that important to you, which will lead to hurt feelings and resentment, as well as reluctance to open up to you in the future. Show her that you are engaged in the conversation by looking at her when she is speaking to you and asking appropriate questions.
Step 2
Show empathy. In order to communicate well with your child, he needs to feel understood by you. To be an empathetic listener, focusas.com recommends mirroring your child's feelings by repeating them back to him. For example, when your son tells you he is angry with his friend for ignoring him at lunch, you might respond with, "It sounds like what he did today really hurt you." This reflective response communicates to your son that you understand he feels sad and embarrassed and that his feelings are important to you.
Step 3
Schedule time to talk to each other. In order to communicate well, you need to create opportunities for family discussions. In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, Steven Covey recommends setting aside one evening a week to hold family meetings. This is a set time for everyone to touch base with each other, discuss plans for the week, and to coordinate schedules. More importantly, though, it gives your children the opportunity to bring up any particular concerns they need to talk over with you without any interruptions.
Step 4
Set a good example. Your children will learn how to communicate with people based on their observations of you. If you lose your temper, raise your voice, and start calling names when you're having a disagreement, your daughter will too. However, if you model an appropriate style of communicating, she will learn by your example. Show her that it is possible to disagree with another person and not become angry by speaking calmly, suggesting possible solutions, and compromising.
Step 5
Be willing to apologize to your children and your spouse. Even in the closest of families, mistakes are made from time to time. If you are in error, apologize to your family. The goal of good communication should be drawing closer to your family. It is hard to communicate with someone who cannot ever admit she is in the wrong. A sincere apology for hurt feelings or misunderstandings will let your family know that you care more about them than you do about being right.
Tips and Warnings
- Tell your family often that you love them.
- Criticism and put-downs will only damage your relationship with your loved ones.
References
- Improving Family Communication
- "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families"; Stephen R. Covey; 1997
- Listening Skills
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