Bickering over toys or attention from adults after the arrival of a new sibling is typical for children. Fighting for parental recognition is made manifest in various forms of jealousy. It's visible in behaviors that are aggressive, mischievous, possessive or withdrawn. The jealous child usually focuses his resentment on either his parents or on another child. It's important to recognize that jealousy is likely to occur, even if it hasn't surfaced yet. Realizing that jealousy is a fairly normal part of childhood and a reaction to a profound love for his parents may help you understand the child's fluctuating feelings and allow you to respond accordingly.
Causes
Acting hostile toward a new baby is a common way in which children express feelings of jealousy. Your child's response is reactionary to feelings of being disregarded; she feels as if the new child in the house has replaced her. Misbehavior usually occurs when you're in the middle of attending to the other child; the mischievous actions may include throwing food on the floor, drawing on the walls or scattering toys everywhere. Your child is reacting out of a combination of anger and an intense desire to divert your attention away from the baby to an acknowledgment of her. Children don't like to compete for recognition and therefore attempt to procure any attention, whether positive or negative.
Types
Aggression is the most recognizable expression of jealousy in children. It's frequently used as defense mechanism that's initiated by fear; the child is afraid that his parents have withdrawn their love and is too young to believe otherwise. Becoming preoccupied with a new baby is another signal of jealousy in a child. A child's possessiveness may be masked at times as affection for the baby, but his jealous side may be hidden until he feels truly threatened by sharing toys and parental time when the sibling reaches toddler age.
Response
Although it's natural to answer your child's actions by scolding her, that's what she wants. She's willing to gain recognition however she can. A more effective response may be to ignore the behavior until you can address it individually with her. When you speak to your child, make it clear that her behavior is unacceptable, while reinforcing the fact that you love her just as much as you do the baby--the baby just needs more help. It's essential that you teach your child that she may not enact harm on the baby because of any negative feelings, but it's also crucial that you simultaneously validate her feelings by reinforcing your love for her.
Negative Consequences
Withdrawing from interaction with the baby or other children is a significantly more detrimental form of jealousy in children. The child's introversion demonstrates that he is sensitive and requires more attention and reassurance than a child who may express his feelings through aggression. The solitary child reacts by suppressing natural emotions, which can lead to more pronounced expressions of resentment in the future. Emphasizing the importance of his participation in the family dynamic and addressing what he may be feeling offers him a secure environment in which he can express his emotions.
Benefits
Encouraging healthy interaction among children by highlighting the positive aspects of competition can ease a child's transition into adulthood. Rivalry among siblings can be part of a flourishing course of maturation as the children learn to resolve conflict and learn from each other's strengths. Those who are well adapted to healthy opposition as children are better equipped to transition into the inevitable challenges of adulthood.
