Marriage counseling offers couples the chance to hear unbiased opinions from a third party that are geared toward helping them work through issues in their marriage. Marriage counseling can be sought at any time in a marriage. Some people prefer to seek help regularly to keep their marriage on track, while others may wait until a crisis point arises before they talk to a counselor. Marriage counseling can also occur with the participation of only one spouse, but a joint effort is recommended for optimal results. Readiness depends on how each spouse feels about opening up to someone else with details of their personal lives.
Step 1
Look for signs that your marriage may not be on the best track. If you are spending more time apart or focusing on separate goals that do not bring the two of you closer together, reanalyze these plans. Although it is healthy to live parts of your life separate, if extracurricular activities, such as sports, trips with friends or late nights out, become repetitive and occur frequently, ask each other whether you are purposely spending time apart. If you can't agree to spend more time together and the issue is affecting the other spouse, seek the assistance of marriage counselor.
Step 2
Respond to your spouse's call for help. Even if you feel that your marriage is strong, your spouse may disagree. This discrepancy in perception could be caused from feelings of loneliness or resentment in your spouse that have built up over a period of time. Suggest to your spouse that you jointly make an appointment to speak with a therapist openly about the concerns in your marriage. Ask the therapist what you can do to strengthen the bond of marriage in your particular situation.
Step 3
Seek help if you are no longer able to communicate. If you tend to stop speaking at the dinner table or do not call your spouse if you are coming home late from work, these small incidents may affect your shared communication level. A therapist will be able to pinpoint why communication is lacking and offer steps to help the two of you improve it.
Step 4
Ask for assistance from someone you know when all other means are exhausted. If you are hesitant about opening up to a stranger about your marriage but are still suffering, consider talking with a pastor or close family friend. A counselor does not always have to be accredited in psychology or have a degree in family counseling to help your marriage. Look for someone willing to listen and to help you each explain your concerns and indifferences to find common ground.
Step 5
Go to a therapist if your spouse has lied or kept information from you. Regardless of whether your spouse is willing to join you in therapy after infidelity or personal misrepresentation, proper guidance from a trained psychotherapist or marriage counselor will help you work through your feelings of resentment and anger. Focusing on your own healing will lead to a clear mind and help you make the most positive choices for your marriage.
Tips and Warnings
- Licensed marriage counselors often have degrees in psychology, social work, or marriage and family counseling. Some medical physicians may also offer assistance or a referral to another licensed doctor who can advise couples on troubles in their relationships. Unlicensed counselors can also be sought through your church or through state- or government-based programs, such as the community action agency or community mental health authority.
